September 30 - Magnet Train

Good morning solar system.

So, a couple things. First of all, I've been thinking recently about a site I used to be a member of (a friend told me that it was likely OutSMACK). I was never really active there, it was kind of a social networking site exclusively for lgbtq people. And one thing I found a bit odd when I was there, was that (as far as I can remember) every person who added me, who wasn't someone I already knew, was transgendered. Dunno why it worked out that way, but it did.

One of my best friends is an FTM and I have another online friend who is also an FTM (though it's just occurred to me, is that term really accurate because they technically WEREN'T female before, were they?) and I've always kind of found it interesting how I just seem to randomly attract transgendered people to me. I am a tranny magnet. But I don't mind, in fact I quite like it. I love trans people, and I have ever since I came to understand what it meant to be transgendered (on a deeper level then going from an inny to an outy or vise versa).

I have struggled with my own gender identity on numerous occasions but I think I'm too scared to settle on any sort of definitive definition. I would love it if I could just magic away all my body hair and grow some boobs and put on a dress and be beautiful but that's not how it works. I'd have to tell my family at some point, I'd have to tell my friends, likely at least some of my coworkers. I'd have to add a shiny new clump of items to my list of things I have to worry about every time I step out of the door and leave the house. I don't think I am brave to face all that, even if keeping it inside is a huge obstacle preventing me from ever having a moderately successful social life.

Another thing I was thinking about today was Susan Boyle. If you don't know who that is, the internet will be more than happy to let you know. The thing is that, people tend to see her as either this ugly beast or this super-talented singer who sparked a revolution in the way people think in regards to the relationship between talent and appearance. My personal viewpoint however, pessimistic as it may be, is that Susan Boyle is neither of these things. I think she is a gorgeous human being, and I think she has a fantastic voice. But here's the thing.

Shallow people aren't going to stop being shallow because of one instance. A cynical person may be willing to admit that they were wrong, but a truly shallow person will never make the effort to see past their petty ideals of what makes someone beautiful, and they will never sincerely view her as a person and they will never truly understand her as a human being. They will never hear her voice, they will forever remain in their own deluded world.

I do not think that the success of Susan Boyle is going to stem the flow of twisted contempt that those blind and shallow people hold within them, but what I DO think she has accomplished is giving hope to those who already believed in the ideal. Some people might not have believed that Susan Boyle specifically had an amazing voice and would completely stun the crowd, but I bet the vast majority, bordering on the absolute entirety, of the people to whom she delivered a "wake up call" were already convinced that someone without the perfect hollywood smile and a size 3-and-down wardrobe could sing well. A wakeup call isn't a revelation so much as it is a reminder.

Don't get me wrong though, I am not in any way saying that the fact that she didn't change peoples minds, merely refreshed them, is a bad thing. Because when it comes down to it - the compassionate ones are the ones who NEED to have their minds refreshed, because otherwise there would be even fewer of us than there currently are and we're certainly not experiencing an abundance of them right now. But more than being refreshed, the compassionate ones are the ones who need so desperately to have something to find hope in. At the end of the day when you turn out your bedroom light and think about all the horrible things that happen in this world, the one thing that will be able to make us want to wake up is believing that some brave soul someday, will step into the storm and blast all the fear and hatred right off the map. And the only way we can ever hope to have that chance is if we keep waking up and keep stepping out. Maybe one of us will be brave enough. We can only hope.

That is all.