Gooooooood morning solar system, I'm writing this at 5am.
So, I dunno who has been paying attention to the news or what news people have been paying attention to or what-have-you, but I have been told some disturbing news. In the past three weeks there have been NINE reported suicides by gay teens. For those who aren't too good at math, that's three a week. That works out to a little less than one every two days.
I'm not going to go on a big rant, calling the homophobic people who harass and bully and threaten these people to the point where they feel like there is nothing left for them in this world all sorts of names. I would like to. I could certainly think of a couple things to say to them. But that won't really accomplish much, so I'll save that for another time when I'm way too angry to care whether it's productive or not.
Right now, what I am is sad. And what makes me even more sad is that I don't even find it that surprising. Things are SUPPOSED to be getting better in this world, but the fact of the matter is that no prejudice is ever eliminated completely. And that is tragic. When something like this happens, especially in such mind-breaking numbers, there isn't much room to get angry I don't think. Not for me anyway. There is just this supreme feeling of... I can't even think of a word for it. When you feel like, okay. Things aren't perfect. Things aren't even great. But they are getting better, slowly. The kind of people who look at a homosexual person and thing that, because of who they are, who they were born as and may only be beginning to know themselves as, that they are inferior, that they are disgusting, that they are not people at all and that their death is no big loss, are being pushed away. Are being silenced. Are being limited and looked down up.
I shouldn't have to worry about someone seeing me wearing certain colours when I go into town. I shouldn't have to worry about telling a coworker THE TRUTH about what I did on my five days off, or worry about someday in the future not sending my own father an invitation to my wedding, or inviting him over to see his grandchildren. I should not be concerned, I should not be afraid, and I should NOT be ridiculed. I am NOT the one with the problem and I am NOT the one who has something shameful to hide.
I don't know who will read this. I don't know who will read what I say and I don't know what they will take from it but I want to offer, here and now to every single potential reader - that this world is full of lots of messed up, ugly things. It's true. I've seen it, and I don't like it. But in amongst all the messed up, ugly things are some beautiful people. If you are gay, or bisexual, or transgendered, or two spirited, or asexual, or pansexual, or if you are genderqueer, or if you are a transvestite or if you have know idea what you are and why you can't get all these weird thoughts in your head to stop flying around and confusing you and keeping you up at night, there IS someone who cares. Always. Your parents might treat you like shit, and that one friend you've held onto for years even though they ignore you and you don't really have much in common is slowly drifting away from you. You may not even have that one friend. You might feel like no one sees you, no one notices the pain and the fear and the crushing hopelessness that weighs you down day after day. But there are people out there who will notice. Who will reach back if you reach out to them. There are people who are desperately waiting to meet someone just like you.
If you read this and you ever, EVER feel like there is nothing for you in this world I will be more than happy to listen to anything you have to say. I am not a therapist, I cannot provide you with the kind of support and advice that you NEED to seek if you are suicidal. There is nothing wrong with getting help. There is nothing wrong with living to see another day. You are NOT worthless, you are NOT disgusting and you DO have a place in this world.
Things will never be perfect. But they will be better. Truly, they will. People are becoming better educated. People are becoming more compassionate. I'm so tired and I am so emotional and I don't know if I'm sounding like a complete idiot, but I really want this to stop. I really want people to start giving themselves a chance. I have spent years and years of my life feeling inferior, feeling alone and invisible burdensome. I find it so hard to have hope sometimes but I haven't given up yet. I don't plan to. And if there is even the tiniest chance that I can do SOMETHING, anything at all to influence someone, to make them understand that not giving up is really and truly the better choice, then I want to make sure I grab it.
You can talk to me. If you don't know me at all, if you stumbled on this completely by accident, if I have no clue whatsoever who you are, if we have never spoken before, whatever. It doesn't matter. I will not turn you away. I will not pass you over. I won't reject you. I may not have the perfect words for every injured heart but I can certainly listen.
Of course, it doesn't have to be me you talk to. If you want to go straight to a professional, or if you want to go to a teacher or a sibling or call a help line, there are many options. But I am urging you, begging you to please talk to SOMEONE. And if one person doesn't give you an encouraging to helpful answer then move on to someone else. Keep on going until you find that person who REALLY understands. It will be worth it. You are worth it.
That is all.
No comments:
Post a Comment