September 9th - Those Happy Little Memories

Good evening, solar system

I have been thinking a bit about my past (male) relationships lately on account of how I complain all the time that I've been single for so frigging long. And really, it's not a great track record. My first one was probably the best. Then the next one told me he still wanted to be friends and then stopped talking to me. Then a guy at my school, where the whole thing consisted of msn conversations and getting angry at each other because he kept backing out of our plans without telling me and leaving me there waiting, and I kept saying he was a jerk for doing so, and then one time I gave him a slice of pizza. And then we had a really ugly, horrible end to it all (the day before Christmas, no less) and then after a while we started talking again and then we had another really ugly, horrible end and then there was a loooooooong pause and now we're talking again.

Then there was this guy (note that the first two and this one have all been online-only relationships) and although we never really got to the point of being in a relationship... I reallyreally liked him and he told me he liked me too. But I think maybe I liked him a little bit too much, and he always said that I was really sweet and stuff but looking back even *I* feel weird about it. There's also this whole big uncertainty thing since I am fairly certain a portion of the things he told me weren't true. I expect the fact that some people don't want someone they only know online to know what they look like or whatnot... but just say that. Don't say "This is a picture of me" when obviously it isn't.

But yeah. I haven't heard from that guy in a long time either. Which is a shame, because I would like to apologize for probably scaring the crap out of the poor guy. And really, that's it. The first was when I was 14 then 15 then 18 and then... well, that very last one started on my 19th birthday. So yeah, with 3 and 4 we were never even officially in a relationship and 1 and 2 were both online and 2 only lasted like... a month I think. Maybe even as short as two weeks. Or one. My memory is pretty bad, if you haven't noticed >.<

Anyway, other than relationships I've been thinking about a lot of memories in general. I've been listening to a lot of music I haven't listened to in years. Mostly Shania Twain, but I've even listened to some Backstreet Boys. Memories are so interesting because, no matter what, everyone's memories are different. Two people could experience every moment of every day together for 20 years and they would still argue about how something that happened 15 years ago actually happened.

I guess it might be because I've been thinking so much about my life lately, what I've done, what I want to do, who I am and who I've been and who I want to be. None of which are things I have answers for. As far as the "Who I've been" thing is concerned I think at large I can probably answer that with "Someone very irritating" though I'm pretty sure I still have a fair portion of that in me.

I've been thinking of dying my hair... either black, platinum blond, or blue. And the black option only emerged a couple hours ago because I thought it would look with something I bought last night (http://web.me.com/thegadgetbrand/GarageSaleImages/GarageSale_47326_1281838182.jpg) but I think I would have to cut my hair shorter for the black to look good. Hmmm. I must think about it some more.

That is all for today.