September 23 - Scrumfuggled

Good evening, solar system. It rained and I got wet.

When I am around people I tend to try to be funny. In general, I like to think that I do a good job at it. I really like to make people laugh. But also I think there's the aspect of "If I can make them laugh, then they won't hate me." They may think I'm stupid and they may think I'm weird or ugly or smelly or whatever, but I made them laugh by something other than falling on my face and bleeding everywhere, so that's something.

I tend to not be as funny when I am by myself and when I have no one to talk to. I tend to think more, I tend to be more calm and introspective. I tend to think about all sorts of random pointless things, and even some random not-so-pointless things.

I was thinking lately about how I don't write near as much poetry as I used to which might not be such a bad thing since, to be honest, I don't think I was very good at it. But then again most people do not and typically the ones who do think they're good at it are the ones who write stuff no one can understand.

I created a profile at some site (I don't even remember the name) a while ago so I could upload clips of myself singing but I think I only uploaded like two things and then stopped. I can't play any instruments and I cannot sing with music in the background because it sounds horrible because I am tone deaf. But the main reason I stopped was because when it comes to the things I want the most, I get discouraged very easily for some reason.

I have a tendency to slip by unnoticed most of the time. Whether it's at work, or at school, or on a forum, or on Facebook or whatever... people just don't notice me. I would imagine it's because most of the time I am simply not being very interesting, or it also might be because I sometimes want to get noticed so bad that it annoys people and causes them to ignore me. Whatever the reason is, I am grateful for it at time, and hate it at other times. I wish I knew how to be fun, I wish I knew how to be outgoing and confident and not just come off as shy and depressed and desperate.

Anyhoo. I have a very long and very early day ahead of me tomorrow, and so I must go to bed. I think I have rambled quite enough for one day anyhow.