August 25th - Ambition

Good almost very early morning, solar system.

So a couple days ago I red about how I cut my finger at work and bled a lot. Well, today I burned my finger and now I have the humongous blister! Yay!
It hurts so bad.

So, here's the thing. I am currently about half way through An Abundance of Katherines and I am finding myself to be very very similar to the main character. Aside from the fact that I am not nearly as intelligent, I haven't had nearly as many romantic relationships I don't have tonnes of money, and pretty much a hundred other things. But I do want to be something great. I don't so much want to be famous so that people will like me because I will be famous. But there is a small part of me, who wishes at times that I was famous, so that someone who likes me and accepts who I am will be able to find me easier.
Not only that, but usually when you're famous people know a lot about you. Sometimes a really disturbing amount of things, like your exact height and weight. But the point is I wouldn't have to explain myself. The daydream doesn't so much focus on having people in the streets scream and talk about how much they love me, and it doesn't focus on being rich. The daydream is to be able to attract people who will accept me, who will not find me irritating, who I do not have to worry about them rejecting me for this or that because they will know everything right from the start.

That being said I honestly do have a lot of daydreams of myself singing in a concert or dancing in music videos or whatnot. Singing and dancing are things I have a lot of fun doing, it would be great to be able to do that as a profession. It would also be great to actually be good at those things.

The reason I've been thinking about this isn't just because of Katherines. It's because these couple injuries at work the past few days have been irritating me. As I pointed out in a previous post, I am a big clutz. But at home I generally manage to avoid getting burnt or sliced or bruised in some fashion every single day. Because I know well enough not to stand next to the oven all day. I've been working there about five-six months now, and I would really like to not be covered in scars by the time my next birthday rolls around. I don't mind scars in certain circumstances, but I think I would mind pointing to a hundred scars and saying "Oh, this is from when I worked in the kitchen at a fast food place, and so is this, and so is this, and so is this, and..." etc. It just doesn't feel like it's worth it to me.

I will not deny it. I dislike my job a lot. I find it dull, monotonous, redundant, mind numbingly simplistic... you get the picture. The people I work with make it interesting, make it not so torturous, but I have a hard time saying that they make it worthwhile. I don't want to work at a job for ten years where I feel like every moment I spend there is wasted time. But I need the money, and I don't really think I have many other options.

I have just realized that this post may be the first one where I have actually talked about one of the things in my life that I hope to be figuring out over the next year. I think I should make a list of some sort....

Item #1: Employment

Additionally, if anyone reading this has any questions they would like me to answer, either related to this post or not, please leave them in the comments and I will answer them tomorrow.