August 21st - Bulbasaur

Good afternoon, solar system. (Cuz the name of the blog has the word 'sun', har har.)

Five points for anyone who can tell me why this post is titled Bulbasaur. I'd give you ten, except it's really not that hard.

Today is my 20th birthday. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night so as soon as I'm done writing this I will probably go and die a little bit. My mom came by at around 10, and we talked a bit and I fed her some cupcakes and perogies. Then she went to wait in the car while I tried to timidly awake my roommate. We had discussed getting a ride across town because he had to pick up some mail, but he didn't know he was supposed to wake up and come with me because I guess we hadn't decided definitively. I had just assumed. You know what they say about assuming; it leads to long awkward stretches of sitting in your mom's car waiting for your sleepy roommate to put on his incredibly complicated shoes. Or something.

Today was a very good day. I bought batteries for my air mattress, a t-shirt, an A/V adapter thing so we can plug three game systems into one tv without having to switch the plugs around all the time. My mom bought me a new pair of jeans which came with a belt and that was nice. I also bought a patch kit to fix the hole in my air mattress and a whole watermelon.

Something particularly amazing - instead of a birthday cake, my mom made me an apple crisp. AN APPLE CRISP. The last time I had cake was probably about ten times more recent than the last time I had apple crisp. And apple crisp is arguably more healthy, and better yet I'm the only person I know who has ever got apple crisp for their birthday!
It's also kind of humorous because when I first found out the first thing I said to my roommate besides "My mom made me an apple crisp!" was "It's like she knows I'm fat!" But I assure you I was very excited while I said it.

I have been noticing a lot lately that I am not a very good son. I have asked my mother for a heck of a lot of things over the years, and I have promised to pay her back and never have and my parents aren't exactly raking in the big bucks. My mom works in a factory with new owners who just made huge cuts to everyone's pay, and my dad is a caretaker for the graveyard in my hometown as well as running his own small business. They have asked me for so little in return for the things that they've done for me and I have failed to give them some of those things, and I wish I could tell them how sorry I am for that.

I am not saying this in defense, merely bringing it up to point out how generous these unwealthy parents of mine are, but even though I feel bad my mom does make it hard sometimes. Even when I insist that I do not want her to buy me anything she either insists even more than I choose something to let her buy me or just buys me something anyway, so I have regrettably become somewhat accustomed to just asking her for things. Actually in retrospect that kind of makes it worse. Hoh boy, now I feel obligated to get her something really nice for Christmas but I also don't want to seem like my suckiness as a son can be fixed by buying her things. Correcting selfish behaviour is hard :(

I literally spent nearly five or six years closed in a room with a computer and barely talking to anyone anymore than I had to. I have always been shy and I was really ill adapted for social life when I was younger. Looking back on how I acted, I was probably the most annoying person I have ever met. I could never maintain the same group of friends for any extended period of time and with a couple exceptions over the past few years that is still partially true. I have trouble conversing with people. I can never think of what to say, or I think of something too late, and I think that is a big reason why I have trouble communicating with my parents.

I have been judged a lot in my life, as I know pretty much everyone else has also been. But I feel like every aspect of my personality is something only a small group of people be accepting of, and so finding people who are accepting of ALL those things is very difficult. Or maybe it's not. I feel like I don't really know because I don't try very often. But with the amount of people that have judged me for each of these traits or preferences in the past, it seems very likely to me.

Anyhoo. It was a great birthday. I wish more of my friends could have been here, I miss a lot of them. But they all live very far away and are unemployed and a bus here and back is around $230 for some of them. But I had one of my best friends here, and my mom, and I got lots of birthday wishes on Facebook and talked to two other best friends on msn.

I do have some more interesting and exciting things to write about... but I will get to those tomorrow. As long as I don't forget them by then.