September 9th - Hazy

Good evening solar system. I am updating before midnight today.

I actually was supposed to be in bed roughly 40 minutes ago because I have to be at work for 9 tomorrow. But I have a thing going. A thing called sleep deprivation. It would just be a shame to break my streak now.

A friend and I watched another Pokemon movie today (The Power of One) and for the most part we just pointed out all the things that didn't make sense and how stupid Ash is. And from what I have seen he just never gets any smarter at all. The Pokemon series has been going on for something like 600 episodes and it just seems strange to me that the character hasn't got ANY smarter AT ALL. Not from what I have seen anyway, I admittedly only watch the movies.

We kind of had a bit of an explosion of smoke at work today, because... well I don't really know why. Something to do with the grill, and then the fans weren't turning on and my eyes were hurting and I died like ten times.

Thinking back, it kind of makes for a good metaphor since everything in my life seems so cloudy right now. Don't know what I'm doing about my education, or about my employment, and I need to start making calls for apartments (since this is apparently my sole responsibility for some strange reason, considering how much I hate the phone) and blah blah etc.

I keep thinking of really thoughtful, deep, interesting things to write here but then of course by the time I get around to writing the posts I am just tired and groggy and can't remember any of them. So hopefully someday soon I will have something worthwhile, as opposed to just repeating the same stuff over and over.

I don't know if I'm depressed. What I feel doesn't really feel like depression but... some of the other stuff that's floating around up there makes me think it's a pretty good possibility. I think I am broken. I have failed to grasp the notion of how to interact with others effectively and now it is too late for me to learn. I am destined to be a hermit. An unemployed, uneducated hermit.

It doesn't sound so bad though. I can grow my hair long and have lots of cats.

And that is all.

September 28 - Trophy Worker

Good morning-ish again, solar system. I should be sleeping right now.

So I got to go home from work two hours early today, meaning I got home at about 20 after 4. But the internet was down. And it remained down until approximately 11, which conveniently is right when my roommate got home. I have so underwhelmed. The internet and I are no longer friends, I am disowning it and burning all the pictures of us together. And then maybe I'll do the same with my life because it's being a right proper jerkass lately.

The worst thing about work right now is that it gives me something to do besides sit at home and be angsty and feel horrible about everything, which is pretty much all that I want to do right now. I also want to change something, make something better but I feel so stuck and so un-talented and unmotivated and urgh. I haven't been eating well lately. Well, I kind of haven't been eating well my whole life but at least when I lived with my parents I ate vegetables on a regular basis.

Having real food is hard when you can't use the oven and when you generally want to avoid the kitchen at all costs (for reasons mentioned in other posts).

Things are just so sdfdgsd. I need to stfu and get my butt in gear and look on the bright side and etc. etc. But it seems like every single time I get my hopes up I get disappointed. It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I'm getting excited about, even the tiniest of things are swept away and in a way that is much more frustrating. I know I am over-dramatizing things but that's just what I do. I am a sensitive person and when it comes to any emotion, when I feel, I feel BIG. When I'm sad I'm REALLY sad, when I'm angry I'm REALLY angry, when I'm bored I'm REALLY bored.

Which speaking of, I was reaaaaaaally bored without the internet. I fell asleep for a while. I wrote a little bit. I played Pokemon. But all I wanted to do was wander aimlessly through a bunch of random webpages. *sigh*

And that is all.

September 27 - Amnesia

Good morning-ish, solar system. I am posting after midnight again.

I can't help but feel like this is not a good sign. Two days in a row I've posted after midnight because I have forgot. To be honest, both today and yesterday I thought about posting numerous times I just... didn't. I guess it's because I don't really have anything interesting to talk about but hey, do I ever?

I joined the forums at serebii.net today which is kind of a poor decision on my part. I do not do so well with forums, and I know this. I post a bunch for about a week or so and then I just wander off and forget it exists. Either that or the forum dies but I don't think that will be happening with serebii.net, especially since Pokemon Black & White just got released.

I forgot to brush my teeth before bed last night so they were kind of angry at me today. I didn't really have any real meals today, just stuff lying around my room (goldfish crackers, trail mix, a muffin). I will probably eat some unhealthy deep-fried nonsense at work tomorrow but I'll be sure to throw some vegetables in there so I can pretend I've made a good decision. And heck, even if it's deep fried at least I'll be eating something close to a meal.

I really can't wait until I live somewhere I can use the kitchen. We can't use the stove very much here because the fire alarms are ridiculously sensitive and for some reason they are ALL connected - even the ones of the people downstairs. I guess that makes sense for a real fire because if the house is on fire you generally want *everyone* to know about it. But if the fire alarm is going to go off every time you boil water? It's a bit annoying.

Anyway. I'm sleepy and I work in about nine hours and I have to shower in the morning since for some reason I didn't do that today even though I had the entire day off. And I am feeling kind of icky as a result. That reminds me though, I need to buy shampoo... but I have to walk into town soon to get money out of the bank before I spend it all anyway.

Also I realized a while ago that when I finally end up moving out of here I am probably not going to have internet for a couple weeks or so, so I dunno what I'm going to do about my blog in that span of time. Maybe I'll come back here and just sit outside with my computer :P

Going to bed now... since I missed an ample opportunity to sleep in on my day off, which was quite silly of me. I was even dozing off for a while so I really have no idea why I didn't just go with it.

That is all.

September 26 - Poquast

Good morning solar system, it is passed midnight. Oops.

Work was very uneventful and unfun today and ever since I got home Firefox has been freezing constantly. I'm not too impressed.

A friend and I have been trying to watch the first Pokemon movie, but the first two playlists we tried, the final parts were missing. That and the fact that Firefox keeps freezing. Life = hard

There really isn't much more to say about today. I tried to learn the words to Forever And Almost Always by Kate Voegele but there are still a couple lines I don`t know so I`m going to maybe work on that tomorrow.

I am going to wrap this up because the page has already frozen three times while I've been writing this and I'm going to end up breaking something soon.

So, that is all.

September 25 - Captain Sadface

Good evening solar system. I am veryvery sleepy.

This morning when I went to leave for work there was a puppy in the yard and it had this nasty looking sore on its side and I had no idea who it belonged to or what happened to it or anything, and I had to leave for work and there was no one else home. So I went next door and knocked on the door and told the people there and they came out and looked and the one guy said he thought he knew who it belonged to and he would take it over.
So I began leaving for work and as I was walking away I heard someone else say "Wait, no. It's not their dog." but then they told me not to worry about it. But of course I still did, so when I got to work I was pretty much on the verge of a breakdown so I called this one woman I work with because I know she really likes animals, and she said she would walk down and take a look for me (she lives like two three minutes from my place). I was expecting her to call back but she never did and the dog wasn't here when I got home.
I named him Captain Sadface.

The past few days have been rather unpleasant, I just keep screwing things up and I am frustrated and I feel like a complete idiot and I hate feeling stupid. It doesn't bug me, I hate it, and maybe it is because I am proud or narcissistic or something but I sincerely despise that feeling.

Me and a friend of mine watched Pokemon: The Rise of Darkrai and lamented about all the stupid things that happened and all of the aggravating voice acting. Now we might be watching the one that comes after that.

My rainbow arm warmers arrived... technically yesterday but I managed to miss them twice until my roommate finally tossed them in my room on my bed so I found them when I came home. Someday I will get around to posting all the pictures I keep taking.

And that is all.

September 24 - Smiling In The Rain

Good evening solar system. I am so very very sleepy.

It rained today but I did not get to go out and play because I was at work all day. At least I only work until five tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a bit cooler. Yesterday I got raineded on and was soaked and cold (but happy!) and then today as soon as I walked out of the house this big mass of uncomfortable heat latched onto my face and I almost died.

I'm afraid to close my eyes because I'm afraid I won't open them again until around 8am and that would be bad because I have not brushed my teeth yet. And I just ate a chocolate bar.

I was skimming through my facebook and my other blog yesterday, looking at some old stuff I wrote. I have been thinking for a long time that I should make a compilation of stuff and get it published. The problem is that I would have to actually READ the stuff, and I find that to be very dangerous since I generally end up wanting to spear it with a flaming cow skull.

I am going to brush my teeth and go to bed and wake up in the morning and hate my life a little bit. All things considered I've got it pretty good right now but there's just so many other things to worry about. There is always so much to worry about. *sigh*

That is all.

September 23 - Scrumfuggled

Good evening, solar system. It rained and I got wet.

When I am around people I tend to try to be funny. In general, I like to think that I do a good job at it. I really like to make people laugh. But also I think there's the aspect of "If I can make them laugh, then they won't hate me." They may think I'm stupid and they may think I'm weird or ugly or smelly or whatever, but I made them laugh by something other than falling on my face and bleeding everywhere, so that's something.

I tend to not be as funny when I am by myself and when I have no one to talk to. I tend to think more, I tend to be more calm and introspective. I tend to think about all sorts of random pointless things, and even some random not-so-pointless things.

I was thinking lately about how I don't write near as much poetry as I used to which might not be such a bad thing since, to be honest, I don't think I was very good at it. But then again most people do not and typically the ones who do think they're good at it are the ones who write stuff no one can understand.

I created a profile at some site (I don't even remember the name) a while ago so I could upload clips of myself singing but I think I only uploaded like two things and then stopped. I can't play any instruments and I cannot sing with music in the background because it sounds horrible because I am tone deaf. But the main reason I stopped was because when it comes to the things I want the most, I get discouraged very easily for some reason.

I have a tendency to slip by unnoticed most of the time. Whether it's at work, or at school, or on a forum, or on Facebook or whatever... people just don't notice me. I would imagine it's because most of the time I am simply not being very interesting, or it also might be because I sometimes want to get noticed so bad that it annoys people and causes them to ignore me. Whatever the reason is, I am grateful for it at time, and hate it at other times. I wish I knew how to be fun, I wish I knew how to be outgoing and confident and not just come off as shy and depressed and desperate.

Anyhoo. I have a very long and very early day ahead of me tomorrow, and so I must go to bed. I think I have rambled quite enough for one day anyhow.

September 22 - In My Brain

Good evening solar system, I am quite sleepy.

Right now I am listening to a song called Gunning Down Romance and it's making me want to cry or go to sleep or something. Or maybe it's life that is making me want to do that. This lady I work with quit yesterday, which means I'm probably going to be covering the opening shifts for a while. I will probably get weekends off because the school-going crew can fill in those days, but it's going to make it hard to have any non-weekend days off. As it is I didn't get any days off this week, I'm assuming because we are so short staffed right now.

We did get a new guy starting today though, so hopefully he will learn quickly so we all don't die. No pressure or anything. I'm a little nervous that now that the other lady is gone everyone's going to start realizing how crappy I am at my job. Not that I haven't worked plenty of shifts without her, but she's good to have around. Her main problem is that she's very moody and also quite bossy, she likes having things her way. There is no difference of opinion with her, if you disagree - about anything at all - you are wrong. And that bugs me. But when she's not cranky and driving people crazy I kind of like having her around.

I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, I think I mentioned a while ago that I wasn't allowed to talk about it yet... but my roommate is going to be out of a job soon and lots of people are pressuring him to get a job where I work, because it's similar to what he does now and he knows a lot of people there. But I really don't think he wants to work there, especially considering how much he hates his current job. There's also the whole situation where he doesn't want to have to "come out" to everyone. One of our managers is someone he's known for a long time and I can't say I know what that situation would feel like. I can see why he wants to stay away from that.

Anyhoo. I'm still kind of in a miserable mood. I kind of went into an emosplosion yesterday.. or wait, maybe the day before. Either way that wasn't fun and I will try to avoid doing that again although when I was thinking about it after... it's kind of weird that I should feel the need to censor myself in my journal entries. I guess if I'm going to do this right then I have to open myself up completely.

Posting that I'm queer or that I hate my job or whatever is no problem. I've told hundreds of people that I'm queer and pretty much everyone who is employed or was employed etc. has had the experience of having a job they hate. But when it comes to telling people certain things... I always avoid it, even with my friends. I want people to see me in a certain way, I want a certain image of myself to be put forward and I have learned to hide behind that image really well. It's not enough to want to be seen as a good person for me, I want to be a very specific good person, and when someone's vision of me doesn't match the image I try to present it bothers me.

For that reason I think I'm also going to cut down on my "yous" and such. No more "What do you guys think" and stuff like that, because if people read my posts and have something to say, they will say it without being invited. This is a journal for me to figure out who I am, and I can't rely on others for that. If I help other people along the way, great. If other people are interested in what I have to say, that's excellent. But I have to focus on what made me start this in the first place, and that is the fact that I'm spinning blindly through space, and I need to slow myself down. I need to learn and discover and experience and find some sort of direction. And most of all I need to find some sort of conclusion at the end, and it's looking like that is going to be the hardest part. I'm already 1/12th of the way done and I feel like I have accomplished nothing. It's basically how I feel about my life as a whole, just on a smaller scale.

And now I need to go to bed, so that is all.

September 21 - One Month

Good evening solar system. I've been saying that for one month as of today!

This is going to be another short post because I forgot to write this earlier even though I have been on the computer all day >.>

I had a crappy day at work. I found $5 laying on the road and there was no one around for me to ask them if they had dropped it but I took it because I'm greedy and so I decided I'm going to donate five dollars to something but I don't know what yet.

I had no more mail waiting for me today. I had a salad for lunch... and a milkshake.

For supper I had some roast beef and some fruit cocktail thing which to be honest I think might have been not so good but I didn't check the expiry date and I think it's better that way. And then I had a bowl of Corn Pops which is not really healthy at all and I'm probably going to die. I need more vegetables.

I watched the 2005 War of the Worlds with a friend and I have seen it before and my friend had seen the older version before so it was interesting. I don't think there's really anything else.

I don't want to work tomorrow!

September 20th - Discover-no

Good evening solar system. This is probably going to be a kind of short post.

So, I must admit that I am getting a little bit discouraged with certain aspects of my life. I'm not gonna bore you all with the details of each of the separate areas, but I am going to give you a general overview of my lamenting. When I first started this project I was considerably happier than I had been for a large space of time beforehand, and I really built myself up for something big. Like "YEAH I am gonna do this, I am gonna DISCOVER something, I am gonna CHANGE something, I am gonna ACCOMPLISH something" and so far... I pretty much seem to be in the exact same place I started in.

Maybe I'm not reflecting enough. Maybe I'm not writing the right sort of stuff. Maybe my life is just destined to be boring and empty and uneventful and there's nothing I can do about it without radically changing the core of the person that I am.

There is something I must confess to you all. I joined a dating site. I'm not gonna tell you which one or anything, but thus far it has not garnered any positive results. I am crap at describing myself in an appealing manner, I am crap at looking presentable in photos, and I am crap at talking to people I don't know without sounding desperate for some sort of connection because I am shy and I am timid and I do not have good self esteem and I always think THIS PERSON IS WAY TOO AWESOME WHY WOULD THEY EVER WANT TO TALK TO ME and I have a habit of starting messages with SORRY IF THIS SOUNDS WEIRD BUT, because honestly I have no idea what people consider to be weird. I don't know how to start a conversation with a stranger when I am contacting them as a result of them posting a list of their attributes on the internet.

As a matter of fact, I have only had three people message me back. The first one ended the conversation rather abruptly without giving any indication that he *was* ending it (other than just never replying) or why, the second guy I am still conversing with but it's clearly never going to expand beyond casual conversation, and the third guy replied once and that was it.
A friend of mine joined the same site and had three guys message her OVER NIGHT. I haven't had that many in three months... in fact I have only had ONE guy initiate a conversation with me, and he was nearly 50 years old, only looking for a woman, and was asking me something that was clearly stated in the most basic terms on my main profile.

In other news I watched two Pokemon movies today even though I don't really like the anime but I had nothing better to do and wanted to see if I could learn anything interesting about the legendary Pokemon. I didn't. I only work two hours tomorrow so I hope I can find something interesting to do with the rest of my day. But probably not.

And that is all.

September 19 - Dullday

Good evening solar system. Today was very boring.

My boss hasn't e-mailed me the work schedule for the week yet, which is a little bit strange because he posted it up in the store early Friday morning. I like having it there in my e-mail because I get paranoid and check it two or three times a day to make sure that I'm on time/not having a day off when I'm supposed to work. I checked the schedule on Friday so I know what time I work tomorrow but I would prefer to be 100% sure.

It seems as though I am allergic to everything. I went to a friend's house and died and then I went to my parents' house and died and now I am back here and I am dying. I should maybe invest in some allergy medication because my breathing is kind of wheezy and gerdberghwer (that was keymashing) and I would really prefer for the whole "dying" thing to be a comical exaggeration.

In other news MY HAIR HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY DYED and I took some pictures which are nice and I might be uploading those tomorrow but I'm going to see if maybe I can take at least one nicer one. It would also be nice to be able to tell my hair's actual color in the picture.

I started a file in Pokemon Emerald today. My character is a girl named Indigo and I have a Treeko named Emerald and when I obtain a Torchic I will name it Ruby and when I get a Mudkip I will name it.. yes, Sapphire. I also plan to have an Espeon named Amethyst, an Aggron named Diamond, and... an Altaria named Lazuli. I think. I always change my mind like a hundred times when trying to decide on a Pokemon team. The thing that always gets in my way is needing to have a Pokemon who knows fly. Though it did leave me to discovering a while ago that Dodrio is secretly amazing. And I have been saved in multiple Elite Four battles in HeartGold by my drastically underlevelled Crobat (it's high speed allows it to avoid attacks giving me lots of turns to heal up my better Pokemon. It survived for three turns in critical HP against Lance's Dragonite)

All of that will make nooo sense to someone who doesn't play Pokemon, but for those of you who are giant Pokemon geeks like me... you will understand.

Anyhoozles. There's not much else to report. I had a chocolate bar and an oatmeal cookie and a milkshake for supper. I AM NOT A GOOD PROVIDER FOR MYSELF. There actually was one other thing but in the time it took me to begin typing that last sentence, I forgot.
Oh wait - I remember. I watched Margaret Cho's show "Notorious C.H.O" on youtube today. There was lots of laughing and lots of D: ing and lots of O.O ing. On the whole, good entertainment. Also gave me some food for thought which I will maybe elaborate on tomorrow.

And that is all.

September 18th - Roseanne

I have no clever intro. Blogpost go!

So I was watching tv. And this acne treatment commercial came on. And this guy was all;
So one of my friends saw me and she said to me "You look happier! Have you been eating more? What's going on?"
And he said "No, I've just been taking care of my skin."

And then the guy kind of stuttered and spat out the name of the product and added "I've been using (whatever it was)"

And my first thought was that there was someone standing off camera holding up a big cue card that said SAY THE NAME OF THE PRODUCT!!

I don't know if that would have occurred to most people, but I guess I have always been a little bit more critical of advertisements than most people tend to be. I certainly wasn't when I was younger, so I dunno what happened. Maybe it's just that I've had way too much time to think and analyze things in my lifetime. Cuz, y'know... I have no life.

Anyhoo, that's really all there was for today. I'm visiting my parents, and I brought bulk quantities of laundry. Because my mother has told me that I am supposed to bring laundry when I come to visit. So I will see you all tomorrow with my new hair.

September 17 - Nawgnawt

I am at a friend's house. IT'S SO ITCHY HERE

My chin is particularly itchy. And my nose. I already poked myself in the eye itching my nose once. ONCE. It will happen again.

IT SMELLS SO GOOD IN HERE.

Sprites of the entire 5th generation of Pokemon have been leaked so it is quite possible that once I un-lazy myself I will be posting some sort of review of all the individual new Pokemon. On my Tumblr, not here. BECAUSE IT WILL BE LONG.

I have to go be itchy at the dinner table now.

September 16th - Victolee

Good evening solar system, I have to go to bed as soon as I'm done writing this.

So today, I jokingly asked a friend of mine at work if she wanted to come back to work when I was done and give me a ride across town. Turns out she was going over there around that time anyway so she said okay. But I had forgotten my wallet at home, so when I was done my shift I hurried home and then I thought to myself "Oh, she has my cell number so she'll probably text me if she gets there and I'm not there" so I went to the corner store right across the road from my work and got some orange juice. And then I went into my work and found out that she had just been there looking for me.

I tried to text her, but of course when I gave her my number I didn't get hers in return and the number they had for her at work was her home phone number. So when I got home my roommate was online (he's in Maine) so I asked him for her number and texted her and explained why I wasn't there.

Then, just about an hour ago I went and bought myself some hair dye at the drug store downtown because that is why I had wanted to go across town to begin with (I assumed they would have a bigger selection in Wal Mart). What colour did I get? You'll see soon. Hopefully I'll have a picture or two up by Monday.

I was supposed to go to the bank as well but by the time I got home (for the third time) and sat down... I was not getting up again. It just was not going to happen.

I found a hoody I want on ebay and it should go well with my new hair so I will probably be ordering that soon. I get paid on Wednesday, yay!

Also none of my mail has arrived yet. Boooooo. Pictures will be uploaded of that too, when the time comes. Assuming I buy batteries before it happens.

I am excited for the next couple of days... but I have just realized that I have to pack first. Ooooops. Gonna go get on that.

And that is all.

September 15 - Conform OR DIE

Good evening, solar system. Today I am going to copy and paste 80% of my blog post.

Taken from an msn conversation I had today... note "William Gulliver" is me, it's the name of a character I made up for an idea I had for a book series.

William Gulliver says (8:53 PM):
I wish that I were cute and in shape enough to be an emo boy >.>
And not 20 D: God do I ever wish I wasn't 20.
Andrew says (8:54 PM):
What's wrong with 20? D:
William Gulliver says (8:54 PM):
20 is like...
William Gulliver says (8:55 PM):
"Oh, you can't dye your hair and dress like an emo kid. We allowed you to be a bit unique when you were younger because you were troubled and confused, but now you're an adult and you have to conform to society's expectations OR DIE"
More or less.
Andrew says (8:57 PM):
hmm
Andrew says (8:58 PM):
Well you're already on society's shitlist for being gay :P Who cares what you do with your hair
William Gulliver says (9:00 PM):
Actually
William Gulliver says (9:01 PM):
Most of the time that's my excuse for NOT wanting to draw more attention to myself

Opinions on this subject matter?

Also. I think my life would be made complete if someone were to make a death metal version of "I'm a little teapot."

And that is all.

September 14th - The Naked And Famous

Good evening, solar system.

I LOVE THE BAND "THE NAKED AND FAMOUS"

I downloaded their album the day before yesterday (because I'm a dirty pirate) and today I bought their two EPs, This Machine and No Light. And I signed up for the newsletter at their official site so I got a free mp3 of Crazy Yes Dumb No, and I discovered them from a site called popjustice which was offering a free download of a remix of their song Young Blood which I mentioned yesterday.

So in short I really, really like them. They are from New Zealand. The two main vocalists are a rather dreamy man and a rather pretty lady. I think I'm probably going to end up becoming slightly obsessed with them. I might buy their EP "All of This" even though I already have one of the three tracks via downloading their album. But having the other two would be excited. HMMM. It is only $3 US which is probably like fifty dollars Canadian but oh well. I'll manage.

Umm. I got out of work a lot earlier today than I did yesterday, and the next two days I get out at six which means I'm not the one closing which is VERY EXCITING YES INDEED.

I don't know why I'm using so much caps. Yes I am kind of in a good mood but really not THAT good of a mood. I think I am hyper and that's... perplexing. I had a milkshake like eight hours ago but I think the point of that inducing hyperness has passed by now.

I am listening to The Naked And Famous right now and I keep flailing my arms around because it's just so exciting. It's almost like I didn't know how good music could be before I discovered this band but to be honest I feel that way every time I discover someone I like a lot. I'm very fickle when it comes to certain things.

I injured myself in a way I never would have thought possible before today. I was trying to scratch some dried gravy off the counter at work and a flake of it jabbed under my fingernail and stuck there and when I pulled it out the underneath-my-nail part bled a little. I GOT STABBED BY GRAVY.

Sorry. I did the caps thing again. Graaah it's so hard not to be typing in caps right now. I think I'd better wrap this up before I break something. I think I am going to dance and jump around a bit to try and get rid of some of this energy.

September 13 - Not Feeling Good

Good morning, everyone. Except that for me, it isn't really.

I am not feeling good about my life right now. Intensely not feeling good. I feel like I have wasted all of my time. I feel like I have no future. I feel like I missed my entire youth. I missed adventure, I missed love, I missed fun and excitement and responsibility. I missed all of it, and I can never get it back. It was the only chance I had, and I missed it. I missed it for good.

Everything just seems so wrong right now. Everything seems so empty and so useless and I don't know what to do.

I think I am going to go crawl into my bed and curl up and listen to music very loudly and possibly cry a little bit. And I shall return tomorrow and try not to tell you all about it, but we'll see.

Come to think of it, I may be back later today too.

In case anyone is wondering what brought this all to the surface, it is an amazing song called Young Blood by The Naked & Famous.

Edit: Two things. First is that I just realized blogger says I posted this at 11:50 even though when I posted it, it was at least 10 or 15 minutes past midnight. Hmmmmmm.

Second thing is that I wrote a song at work today (basically just kept singing the chorus to myself for an hour, and of course couldn't remember the tune when I got home) and I just finished up the lyrics and posted them on my tumblr, link to that in the author description section in the sidebar.

I lied, there's a third thing - so far in September five of my post titles have contained the word "fail." I guess I'm not as creative as I would like to think.

September 12 - Inferno

Good evening, solar system

Today I played through Dante's Inferno on the easiest difficulty (because I am a whimp and wanted to beat it all in one day) and I got all the relics and Judas Coins and maxed out my holy skill set and absolved/punished all of the damned souls and bought some downloadable content. It was an enjoyable experience, but there are still some things that seem kind of strange - namely the continued use of Greek mythological figures despite the fact that it is supposed to be the Christian hell. There is some mention of the "false and lying gods" which I'm guessing would be the Greek gods, but that just confuses me more. There is even a golden statue that mutters ominously that is supposedly a Greek god and my mind is all skdjsa. Wait, or maybe it's a Roman god.

Anyhoo.

I do not want to go back to work tomorrow. But at least tomorrow's Monday, so some of my mail might arrive. I doubt it will, but even if it doesn't it should be here sometime this week and I am excited. I still haven't finished Looking for Alaska. I honestly haven't been reading it that much. But I'm sure I will get around to finishing it someday.

I am currently downloading Final Fantasy VIII via the PS3 (I bought it off the Playstation Network). I might buy Final Fantasy IX someday... but I doubt I will end up buying Final Fantasy seven. It is kind of the Twilight of the FF series for me, hearing everyone talk about how great it is all of the time has kind of made me sick of it before I've even played it. Maybe someday I will play it and it will be amazing, but for right now I am going to stay away. Plus I played a FF8 demo years and years ago and I remember thinking the Leviathan summon was the most amazing thing ever and using it over and over. And so I've kind of always wanted to play the actual game.

I don't think there's much more news on my end. My roommate has gone on a vacation of sorts for 8 days so I have free reign over the ps3. And you'd better believe I am going to be taking full advantage of that fact. I ate a wee bit too much junk today so I feel ill. I never seem to be able to eat just the right amount, I am either stuffed or I am still hungry. It's no wonder I am tubby.

September 11 - Cornucopia Of Fail

Good evening, solar system

So today when I woke up the first thing I did was go to Serebii.net and see if there were any new Pokemon that had been revealed and there were and I was disappointed because most of them seem to not be very good. On the other hand it has been confirmed that one of the new legendaries will be a pure flying type which honestly, is more relieving than exciting. I kind of would have had to boycott them forever otherwise.

Moving on. A very good friend of mine is transgendered, and he was recently informed that the place he has been employed at for the past (nearly) 8 years will be closing down in as little as a month. He was considering the idea of possibly working where I work, but... I kind of screwed it up for him. I was talking with a mutual friend of ours yesterday and one of our co-workers asked me something about him, and I said yes thinking it was a fairly harmless question. But from that response the coworker made a leap to assume that the person who fit that criteria was the person he saw me in town a couple days ago (which to be truthful, it was the same person but the two things are entirely unrelated...) and so now that co-worker knows him by his male name while everyone else he knows there (barring me and our aforementioned mutual friend) knows him by his female name.

Sooo I kind of feel really crappy about that. I even invented a little story in my head to explain the name difference and it sounded like it could easily convince some people because let's face it, most people don't go around assuming people they pass on the street are transgendered. But I also feel like it would be ridiculous to have to tell that made up story in the first place because it's none of peoples' business and it doesn't affect their lives at all and people should stop being so psychotic over the state of others' genitals. Blargh.

I have nothing really inspirational to blather on about today I just wanted to express the fact that the past couple days have been poopy and disappointing and I am looking forward to just sitting in front of the tv screen and playing PS3 for the remainder of today and the majority of tomorrow. There have been other poopy and disappointing things but those are the only two I feel like going into detail about right now.

September 10 - René Descartes

Good morning, solar system.

So a couple little things before I get to the main part - I am tired and sore and dead and I don't have two days off until next Saturday (I have Sunday off on its own) and I am kind of sad about it, but there's not much I can do about it. So moving on.

I updated my tumblr with two new things last night, one is a set of song lyrics and the other is just a silly little picture of some stuffed animals. And a notebook. So if you want to check those out, there is a link to my tumblr on one of the pages over there >>>>
(its on the one that's not named "checkpoint banners" or "the place where the blog posts live")

I have been having weird dreams lately. I don't remember much of them, but... weeeird dreams. And one of the ones I had last night, I have had almost the exact same dream before... possibly earlier on in my sleep. It was really weird, because in my dream I could remember how everything had happened before and I don't know if that means that I actually had the dream once before or if it means that my dream self has a really vivid and convincing memory or what.

I accidentally didn't talk to my mom in almost three weeks. But she e-mailed me today and then I was sad and then I sent her a big long reply and I told her about my blog. And I need to e-mail my grandmother and sister at some point too (yes, my grandmother).

Now the main part!

Google tells me that a person named René Descartes once said "I think, therefore I am" which is a pretty famous saying. Personally, if I could make one adjustment to it (since I hear that's what one does with famous sayings) I would say "They think, therefore we are."
I was thinking today about how if you act a certain way in high school, then a lot of people might just assume you are gay. And then they might just mention it to a friend or two like "Hey, that kid over there is in my math class he's always so loud and excited" or whatever. Then before you know it, the whole school "knows" you are gay even though you're actually not. But as far as all those people are considered, it's true. Kind of like Schrodinger's cat.
Something you do isn't cool until other people find it cool, and something you say isn't funny until someone thinks it's funny. So there's a question. Are we the people we see inside of our own heads? Are we the people our friends tell us we are? Are we a giant ball of peoples reactions to our actions all stacked on top of each other and taped onto the side and glued in place? Are our actions what define us, regardless of how people react to them. Or are we the mind and soul behind those actions.

Thoughts, please.

September 9th - Those Happy Little Memories

Good evening, solar system

I have been thinking a bit about my past (male) relationships lately on account of how I complain all the time that I've been single for so frigging long. And really, it's not a great track record. My first one was probably the best. Then the next one told me he still wanted to be friends and then stopped talking to me. Then a guy at my school, where the whole thing consisted of msn conversations and getting angry at each other because he kept backing out of our plans without telling me and leaving me there waiting, and I kept saying he was a jerk for doing so, and then one time I gave him a slice of pizza. And then we had a really ugly, horrible end to it all (the day before Christmas, no less) and then after a while we started talking again and then we had another really ugly, horrible end and then there was a loooooooong pause and now we're talking again.

Then there was this guy (note that the first two and this one have all been online-only relationships) and although we never really got to the point of being in a relationship... I reallyreally liked him and he told me he liked me too. But I think maybe I liked him a little bit too much, and he always said that I was really sweet and stuff but looking back even *I* feel weird about it. There's also this whole big uncertainty thing since I am fairly certain a portion of the things he told me weren't true. I expect the fact that some people don't want someone they only know online to know what they look like or whatnot... but just say that. Don't say "This is a picture of me" when obviously it isn't.

But yeah. I haven't heard from that guy in a long time either. Which is a shame, because I would like to apologize for probably scaring the crap out of the poor guy. And really, that's it. The first was when I was 14 then 15 then 18 and then... well, that very last one started on my 19th birthday. So yeah, with 3 and 4 we were never even officially in a relationship and 1 and 2 were both online and 2 only lasted like... a month I think. Maybe even as short as two weeks. Or one. My memory is pretty bad, if you haven't noticed >.<

Anyway, other than relationships I've been thinking about a lot of memories in general. I've been listening to a lot of music I haven't listened to in years. Mostly Shania Twain, but I've even listened to some Backstreet Boys. Memories are so interesting because, no matter what, everyone's memories are different. Two people could experience every moment of every day together for 20 years and they would still argue about how something that happened 15 years ago actually happened.

I guess it might be because I've been thinking so much about my life lately, what I've done, what I want to do, who I am and who I've been and who I want to be. None of which are things I have answers for. As far as the "Who I've been" thing is concerned I think at large I can probably answer that with "Someone very irritating" though I'm pretty sure I still have a fair portion of that in me.

I've been thinking of dying my hair... either black, platinum blond, or blue. And the black option only emerged a couple hours ago because I thought it would look with something I bought last night (http://web.me.com/thegadgetbrand/GarageSaleImages/GarageSale_47326_1281838182.jpg) but I think I would have to cut my hair shorter for the black to look good. Hmmm. I must think about it some more.

That is all for today.

September 8th - iFail

WHO CARES ABOUT INTROS I ONLY HAVE SIX MINUTES

Today I learned the truth in something I read in a play years ago and that is that it's all about the balance or the imbalance or maybe a bit of both! And it's really one of those things that you think sounds really good when you first hear it and then suddenly one day you really GET it and it's a great feeling and you feel like everything in the whole world makes sense even though you know it doesn't really but you don't even care because you just had an epiphany!

Everyone who thinks this is a great line should go to google and search for a play called "Anonymous" I will update this with a link after I am done having a six minute (five now! AH!) time limit because it seriously has so so many great and amazing lines in it and I will forever be grateful for the teacher who introduced me to it and gave me a role in it when it was performed at my school. Seriously it is a great great great play and it will change your life.

SEE YOU TOMORROW

September 7th - Schoolfail

Good evening solar system, I almost forgot to update today.

So, a list of unfortunate things that happened to me in chronological order

1) Yesterday I bought a "watermelon bowl" because I like watermelon a lot and when I bought a full watermelon I had to throw nearly half of it out because I didn't eat it fast enough. So I planned to have that this morning for breakfast (along with some muffins I bought, more on that soon) and I don't know WHAT was wrong with it exactly but it tasted absolutely horrible. I couldn't even force one piece down I had to spit it out. And considering I only ate like three pieces, the odds were not in my favour.

2) After the watermelon fiasco I decided to move onto the carrot muffins which tasted excessively spicy and also rather stale. So that wasn't too nice.

3) As I was getting ready for work I looked over to see a dark spot on my bed. SOMEHOW the watermelon bowl had fallen over AND the lid which I distinctly remember closing had come all the way off and there was watermelon pee all over my bed, and some of sloshed onto my laptop. Obviously my fragile electronic child survived the ordeal but it was rather unfortunate nonetheless.

4) I went to work

5) It didn't rain while I was at work but like three hours after I got there it POURED and also

6) The person I was working with got in an argument with someone else and just walked out. And our supervisor was out, so I was on my own. And I still hadn't gone on my break, so a couple of the people out front that have been trained on grill (to a rather limited degree) had to cover for me. And my supervisor didn't come back until about 45 minutes before I went home.

Other than that though, the day was okay. I got some bad news which does not involve me directly and which I can't share the details about as of yet.

Anyway, moving onward!

I was talking to a janitor-ish person at work today and he asked me if I was going back to school and I said no, not this year. But eventually. And he told me I really shouldn't wait too long because schools don't really like people who take a year off, to which my brain replied "Well, shit."

So I feel like I've pretty much screwed myself over on the post-secondary education front. I failed a bunch of classes in high school, the marks I did get weren't that impressive, it has been officially been almost a year and a half since I graduated... (well no, that's exaggerating by like 4 months) and I feel as though I should resign myself to a lifetime of building burgers and sweeping the same floors and stocking the same shelves for the rest of my life. Except for the part where I completely hate my job and will probably spontaneously combust if I am forced to withstand it over an largely extended period of time.

Also, I do not know the first thing about applying to college or anything like that because I had a habit of actively avoiding guidance councilors in school unless it was absolutely necessary that I interact with them. So if anyone has any inside info on that front, do tell.

I haven't got any comments in a few days, and I'm not sure if I'm just not being interesting anymore, or if my posts are too long and no one wants to read them, or if people are busy with the start of a new school season, or whatnot. So hopefully if I am driving people away I can find some way to maybe... not do that.

This is steadily approaching megapost territory and I think I've covered everything I was aiming for today.

Oh! Ps. I now have four complete Backstreet Boys cds on my computer and a bunch of Shania Twain albums as well and I must say... I have always liked Shania more. Don't know why, it's not like her lyrics are any better than BSB's or even that she is a better singer. Must be because BSB sings about girls and Shania sings about boys and although I tend to like girls more than boys, boys are the group I am more likely to want to sing about. OKAY I'M REALLY DONE THIS TIME

September 6th - I Am Loquacious

Hello, solar system. I don't have any comical one-liners prepared for you and so, onward we shall trudge.

For those curious, loquacious means "chatty" or "talkative" or "textual equivalent of Chinese water torture." To compensate for this I have a) reduced the amount of posts that appear on a page to 4, and am thinking about changing it to 3, b) have resolved to stick to talking about only one subject in each post (we shall see how long that lasts) and c) just generally trying to cut back on being long-winded and uninteresting.

I should however point out that the main purpose of this blog is to try to eat away at all the scary uncertainties in my life at the moment and so if there is something I feel like jotting down I am not going to exclude it for the sake of comfortable reading lengths for others. I know that may make me sound like a bit of a jerk, and I assure you that I do appreciate people taking the time to read this and I do want to make it enjoyable for them, but I have to stick to my purpose. And I think trying to narrow down my focus in each post will actually help with that.

Ending notice: I intentionally picked the longest, most scholarly-sounding word available for "long-winded" for today's title.

September 5th - Adventure Fail

Hello solar system, look who's updating before 11pm!

I don't know which video game to play. I started Final Fantasy 5, played for literally about two minutes and turned it off. Then I started playing Final Fantasy 6, played it for two minutes, paused and watched an entire Shania Twain concert, then played for another ten minutes or so.

I haven't beat Black Sigil yet. But I don't have any desire to play it today for some reason. I also haven't played Pokemon Platinum (in which I only have one gym badge) or Pokemon HeartGold (in which I still need the last Kanto badge) for a long time but I don't really want to play those either. I haven't beat Dante's Inferno for PS3, I haven't even played it in two or three months. I haven't beat God of War 3, or Fairytale Fights. I have also not beat Riviera: The Promised Land for PSP or Hexyz Force.

More games I haven't played in forever or beat; Baten Kaitos, Geist, Lost Kingdoms, Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4 for DS, Chrono Trigger DS, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for GBA, Tales of Legendia, aaaaand... there are probably tons and tons more.

I also started writing a script (sort of, I have like three lines) for an idea for a video game that I had even though I know that even if I go through all the effort of writing a whole script there's very little chance that anything will come of it. But it would be awesome if something did.

As a side note - the Shania Twain concert was kind of amazing. I haven't really listened to anything of hers in a long time, but she sounds exactly the same live as she does on her albums and she was just so full of energy and it was really really great. And hearing all the people cheering and singing along and seeing them dancing in the crowd and there was this one point where she invited a fan onstage and he proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes and then she invited them to stay on stage and slowdance during the next song.

So if anyone knows of a place where I could download her albums (not that I actually would... because that is wrong >.> Actually come to think of it I already own four of her albums I just can't currently get them onto my computer on account of a) not having a disc drive and b) two of them being on cassette.) So yeah.

I was also looking for Backstreet Boys albums recently, which is kind of crazy because I spent a large chunk of my childhood being intensely annoyed by them.

I need to go grocery shopping and do laundry and get money out of the bank tomorrow. So my life sucks just a little wee bit. I also need to do something else, which I have already forgotten in the time it took me to start typing this sentence.

I walked to the hock shop just a while ago to see if they had any interesting games up for grabs, but they were closed .__. Stupid day off being on a Sunday. So I went to the general store and spent like $14, and I already spent $8 on lunch earlier. Hence why I need to go grocery shopping.

Completely random website recommendation... go to Google and type the name of pretty much any video game, book, movie, tv series, manga, or whatever that you can think of followed by the word 'tropes' and you will be taken to a site called television tropes & idioms, which will likely have a page for the book/movie/etc that you typed in, and you can read about all the stereotypes and archetypes that the particular media source adheres to. Maybe it's cuz I'm a giant nerd but I find it really interesting, I have literally spent hours reading through the pages on there.

Randomly going back to the Shania concert because I just remembered something, I almost cried at a couple points because I have memories of listening to this songs all through my life, since my earliest memories, and almost every single song she sings is about love in one way or another and even after all these years I have so little experiences in my life that I can relate those lyrics too. I know that being impatient and pessimistic doesn't help the situations, but someday I get thinking about certain things and those times are hard on me. I wish it didn't bother me but it does. I am going to cut this off before it deteriorates into a jumbled mass of angst. Toodles for now!

September 4th - More Rain

Hello, solar system. It's really cold.

Today was another kind-of-good-day-even-though-some-not-so-good-things-happened. Nothing really bad happened to me personally, but today at work one of my coworkers made a mistake on something and the supervisor just would not let it go. He kept lecturing and lecturing and outright called the guy an idiot, and he looked like he was either going to just throw everything down and walk out or cry, but he didn't do either one. Even though he was understandably really frustrated he still helped me with whatever I asked him to do, and when he went to get some water he asked if he could get me anything to drink. It's interesting how different people deal with their frustrations - some freak out on anyone who ventures into their field of vision, and others... well... aren't jerks.

As the title suggests it rained again today, and of particular note when I left work it was raining A LOT which was nice. I think my headphones probably didn't think it was so nice, but oh well. They kind of broke on me a little bit so I am unsympathetic.

I watched Dante's Inferno with a friend (over the internet) today - the animated film released with the PS3 and PSP games and I must say... it was very bad. I have the PS3 version of the game, and I do enjoy it (haven't played it in a couple months, admittedly but that's mostly due to the ps3 being in my roommate's room and me... not wanting to be in there for certain reasons. But I will likely play it today and/or tomorrow).

There were a couple things wrong with the movie, in my opinion. First of all - almost everything the character does in the WHOLE MOVIE there is a split second where you think to yourself "Why the hell did he just do that?" and the answer every. single. time. is "because the animators thought it looked badass." There is a scene early on when he is gallavanting through a forest on horseback at nighttime and he comes across a spotted leopard (which leaps down from like 200 feet) and then is inexplicably joined by a lion and a wolf. And the way he deals with one of the beasties is that his horse jumps up, kicks off a wall and flies upside down through thee air (landing on its feet, of course). And at this point I had to laugh and go find someone who would watch it/make fun of it with me.

There was another point where the love interest is being carted off by Satan and she says "YOU LIED TO ME! I TRUSTED YOU! YOU MUST RESCUE ME!" and this particular choice of words struck me as bad damsel in distress etiquette. Personally, if I were in that sort of situation my cries for help would probably be something a little more like "You're so handsome! And you have a great personality! I'd really appreciate that great personality and handsome face being brought into close proximity to the place where I will be held captive in the near future! Preferably with a large crowd of people who are armed and like you a whole bunch, but it's not mandatory!"

Speaking of handsome and great personality. Dante is a jerkass and I find it pretty much impossible to sympathize him even a little bit considering everything he does and that's just the stuff they tell us about. And while this doesn't directly relate to handsomeness, he changes his look pretty much every time he enters a new section of hell and what makes even less sense is that he also looks different in the flashbacks! It's like there were so many artists who wanted to work on the movie that they just cut up the movie and let each one draw a certain part. If you are thinking of watching the movie I highly suggest that you adhere to one of the following; 1) plan to write a comical review about it afterwards or 2) have a friend to watch it with you so you can point and laugh and facepalm and headdesk together. Or both. But really, if you are a fan of the games or have read the original work or pretty much anything besides those two things above... I would say it's not almost certainly not worth it.

And before anyone starts in with the famous youtube comeback "I doubt you could do better" let me just say - no, I couldn't. And that's why I don't make movies.

The one thing I was looking forward to at the end was a big black dangly Satan snake (if you catch my drift) and sadly, that was covered up. I guess movies are boobs-exclusive territory, though they did still have the seductresses which, for anyone curious, are a bunch of contorted nude women with phallic scorpion stingers erupting from their bare crotches. The game is full of disturbing stuff like that, and I haven't even played the whole thing.

By the way, I would like to state for the record that I do not find Satan sexy and that I am not a fan of any Satanic being from any religious background or anything like that. It just would have been a nice reprieve from the glowing white breasts present throughout the entire 88 minutes of the animation. I was not looking for Satan snakes for any degree of arousal.

Consequently for anyone who is curious about the Satan snake you can look on youtube for Dante's Inferno - final boss and it should be there. It is as entire un-spectacular as you would expect, so don't get your hopes up.

Anyway. Moooooooooooving on.

I kind of have developed a fixation on summon creatures the past couple days. Like... from Final Fantasy games, or other games really. I have actually begun writing something where the central focus is a summoner and the summon creatures she and her companions encounter in their travels. So if anyone is interested in that, there is an excerpt on my tumblr (link in the "about me" thing at the side) and I may also be posting a bit of other random nonsense there (which likely won't be interesting to anyone but me) later tonight.

Also, if anyone has played any games/watched any anime/otherwise observed any other source of media with summon creatures in them (and for the purposes of the following, things like Pokemon and Digimon do count) if you have the time and inclination to do so please answer for me a couple questions;
1) What source media do the summons come from? (what video game, what book, etc)
2) Do you have a favourite? Which is it?
3) If you have a favourite, what do you like about them?
4) If you don't have a favourite, what is it that prevents you from picking one?
5) What is one aspect of the summon creatures that fascinates you? (The diversity, their look, their absurd amounts of power, the legends surrounding them)
6) What is one aspect of the summons that you would like to see developed more? (The legends, their powers, their personalities, more diversity, etc)

That's all for today. Thank you all for reading and I will return with more randomness tomorrow.

Sorry, one last thing: WEEK TWO COMPLETE!

September 3rd - Krsmrdrf

Hello, solar system. Today was a good day despite the following things.

a) Having to wake up really really hour and knowing there is no way I got enough sleep
b) Being reminded that nice people can still say somewhat ignorant things in regards to sexuality
c) Leaving my backpack at the corner store for five hours
d) Working an opening shift for the first time, and by myself no less
e) Being told on my way out that I am booked solid on the next schedule (which, I knew I would be since a bunch of people are going off to school)
f) Forgetting my notebook at home so I could not write on my break.

I think that's all for the despites. Now onto the because ofs.

a) Waking up early had this bizarre hyperactivity-inducing effect on me in which I literally wanted to dance through the streets. Also it didn't hurt that it was raining and as I have mentioned before I frakking love rain.
b) At least the people I work with at nice at all
c) The store clerk still had my backpack when I went back for it, which is good because it contains my work clothes and my copy of Looking For Alaska. I was honestly more concerned about the book.
d) It went well. We were pretty busy all day but we still got everything done.
e) YAY. MONEY.
f) I kind of spoiled this one by already mentioning it, but even though I forgot my notebook I still had Looking For Alaska.

Oh wait!

g) I received an e-mail from Playstation Network that contained a promotional download thing for a demo of God of War: Ghost of Sparta for psp. And I reallyreally like God of War (in fact the only reason I received this was because I signed up for an account at the official site).

I am so very very tired and was going to go for a nap as soon as I got home but I figured I would be so tired that I would oversleep and I would wake up at like 3am and it would be way too late to go back to sleep but way too early to start getting ready for work and I would just play video games and be really hungry and go blind and die. So I haven't slept yet. But I am going to do that very soon.

Also, a little snippet from an msn conversation I had yesterday in which I was asked a question that caused me to think a lot about some stuff but I am happy with my answer.

}Trip tumble bear{ <3

If you could go back in time five years and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?

William Gulliver says (8:06 PM):

Hmmmmm. Well I think five years ago was about the time I was finding out about my liking boys

William Gulliver says (8:10 PM):

So I would say don't worry. The world isn't going to be nice, and not everyone who accepts you necessarily understands. But you know some fantastic people. You're going to meet some more fantastic people. And they're going to love you to pieces, and you are going to feel like you've made friends with the kind of people who everyone deserves to be loved by.

William Gulliver says (8:11 PM):

And also do your goddamned homework.

September 2nd - Telling Stories

Good afternoon solar system, it is my day off.

As I've mentioned, I have been playing a game called Black Sigil: Blade of the Exiled a lot lately and I have also started (and finished) reading An Abundance of Katherines, and Will Grayson, Will Grayson. And so I've been thinking of all the different ways people have of telling stories. Either in novels, or in video games, or in movies, or in tv shows. I have realized that I really love writing, but that I think I would much rather write video game scripts than I would writing novels.

I love books. Books are great and I love the smell of new books, and I wish I had about a billion more books than I do, but most of the ideas I have for stories simply would not work well as books. A lot of people don't like video games because they think they rot your brain or turn you into a serial killer etc etc. But personally, if the story is good, I can find a video game equally as engrossing as any novel I have read.

I'm not saying one is better than the other, because I don't think you can really compare them. One of my favourite books is called Speak - it is about a girl who loses all her friends because of something that happened at a party the year before and her friends just made assumptions and never bothered to find out the details. And I loved the book a lot. But there's no way at all that it could work as a video game. It's not the right kind of story.

What I especially love about video games is that you get to walk around the (unfathomably small) towns and talk to everyone and you get to direct the steps of the characters from point A to point B and you get to open the treasure chests and you get to fight the monsters and you get to feel the excitement of YOUR decisions, YOUR actions taking down the big bad guy. You get to go on all of the hundreds of little sidequests and explore every corner of the world and learn a hundred different stories about the characters you have met along the way. I find that really incredible.

I have been reading about video game scripting online, and it's really discouraging. First of all I read that in order to propose a video game idea, you have to a) already be employed by a video game company, which I certainly am not, b) generally have to have a working demo of the game, which I am entirely incapable of creating. I know nothing about graphic design. I can't draw worth a crap. And I also found out that c) the script is usually only written after the premise for the video game has already been decided, meaning I likely would be writing other people's ideas.

So... what to do with all these ideas I have whirling around in my brain.

A couple additions:

I have posted a rough draft of the thing I wrote yesterday at work on my Tumblr, which I have decided I am going to be using for my creative writing. You can find that here.

Secondly, I have made an "about me" type of page which can be found over in the right-hand sidebar, and which also has links to my twitter and formspring accounts. You should read the about me thing because it contains something said to me by one of my best friends that made me really happy.

September 1st - Employment Fail

Hello solar system!

This is going to be another rushed piece unfortunately because I *just* got home from work and it's like ten minutes until midnight aaaand that sucks.

It is especially disappointing because I had something I wrote today that I wanted to share with you all and see what you thought, but that's not going to happen now :(

Then again, I could go back and edit this after I post it, but I haven't really decided if that should be against the rules or not. Hmmm.

Anyway, I'm sorry this isn't very interesting. If it's any help at all... my mouth probably either tastes really really good or really really gross right now.

OH!

It was raining while I was walking home from work which was really nice because it was so hot at work and it was so hot at home before work and it's so quiet when it rains and I love that and I love how everything smells after it rains and I love walking in the rain. I think that's pretty much all the I Love's I can currently associate with rain.

Tomorrow is garbage day! Hooray!

Edit:
First of all, the original post was put up before midnight so it still counts!

Secondly, work was sucky as usual and I was all RAWR I REALLY NEED TO FIND A NEW JOB, but there doesn't seem to be anything around that would make me want to shoot myself (in the foot) any less so I might as well stick with what I've got for now.

Third, it was reallyreally insanely warm today (which is usually what happens right before it rains, fyi) so my face is all salty from sweating a lot and it's gross and I also spilled boiling grease all down the one side of my work pants (which technically are my roommate's pants) and miraculously a) I did not get burned and b) it was luckily not on the side with the pocket in which my $200 mp3 player was contained. It was also reallyreally insanely busy which is why I had to stay for nearly two hours after we closed because I hadn't had the chance to do ANYTHING all night.

Fourth, I have realized that I complain a lot and that's probably annoying but I don't even notice I'm doing it half that time. I have a sharp pain in my body somewhere and my automatic reaction is to wince and say "ow" (which happened a lot today, at the behest of my lower back). And also, it really irritates me when someone tries to one-up your problems. One of the supervisors I have at work does this constantly. Like, one of the guys I work with has two jobs and so he works like 13 hours a day every day (he literally did not have a day off for two or three months straight) and the one day he said he was tired and the supervisor was all "Oh yeah? Well I'm here before anyone else and I leave long after everyone else has gone home" which a) he still gets two days off a week and b) 90% of the days he works, he goes home at either 5 or 6 because the other supervisor takes over. (And I just realized that my paragraph about complaining too much turned into complaining... d'oh)

Fifth, I finished Will Grayson, Will Grayson last night and I loved will grayson's revelation that you don't have to date someone to think they're awesome and I loved Will Grayson's revelation that the fact that we equate loving someone with being willing to sleep with them is ridiculous and I love how a lot of the things that happen in young adult fiction are juuuuust impossible enough for us to believe it. I loved the book, I loved it, I loved it. The end almost made me cry but much like Will Grayson I don't really cry much, ever. He also complains a lot, actually. I have a lot in common with both him and Colin from Abundance of Katherines. And fyi being classified as a child prodigy isn't one of those things.

Sixth, I actually think there was more stuff I wanted to say about Will Grayson, Will Grayson but I can't remember right now. And also I wrote a kind of rough scene from... well something that isn't anything yet, and I wanted to post that here and see what people thought but I think I'm going to post that somewhere else and just link to it. Actually... I am a member of a lot of sites that have blog capabilities so I think I am going to make one of those a creative writing exclusive blog, and then create a page here (which will be over there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>)
with links to everything. Just in case anyone wants to read what I write when I'm not just typing whatever pops into my head.