Good evening solar system. The summer weather is being quite prevalent the past couple days, which is more or less resulting in me having to shower every day. Don't get me wrong, showers are refreshing and everything and they're helpful for cooling off for a while, but honestly I think I would rather be notably uncomfortable and playing video games.
I listened to Donkeyboy for the first time in a long while today, and since most of you probably have no idea who they are, they are a band and I think they are very very good. The lyrics don't really make sense sometimes and there is some high-pitched mansinging in every single song I think. Oh wait. I just thought of one that doesn't have it. But pretty much every song, in any case. I should add however, that if I were scoring the album out of 100 I would only deduct like... three points at most for the high pitched singing. And even that feels a little mean.
What's really amazing about Donkeyboy is that in their country of origin (which I cannot remember) they set a record for the most weeks spent at #1 on the music charts. And then the song that finally knocked them out of #1... was their own second release, which ALSO set a new record.
Also, I read some more of Will Grayson, Will Grayson at work today and I actually even went to work early so I could read twice as much as usual and there will be more on the below because there will be big spoilers!
I think that I need to go grocery shopping soon. We are kind of running low on food. Luckily I have Thursday off so we'll see what goes on with that. Hopefully it's not too hot (ps I hate the heat passionately, especially since I really like hot chocolate and it's kind of really uncomfortable drinking hot chocolate when it's hot out). The only thing I really like about summer is going swimming and I haven't done that for two years.
I still have no idea what I want to go to college for.
My computer is being really slow but not even half as slow as it was last night or this morning.
I am kind of accidentally falling asleep right now so I'm gonna wrap this up! You'll see me tomorrow : D
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Will Grayson, Will Grayson spoilers! Stop reading if you have not read the book yet
and plan to!
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So, when Will#2 finds out that the one person in the world who really makes him happy doesn't exist and was in fact made up as a prank by the closest thing he has had to a friend, my first reaction of course involved how many swear words applied to the girl in question, but also it was kind of ironic.
You see, any communications I have ever had with boys who have allegedly liked me, have occured online (well, all the communications at the time of them liking me anyway). And I've always had this kind of back-of-the-mind subconscious paranoia that this exact thing might one day happen to me. Only not really back of the mind and not really subconscious. However this has never been revealed to have been the case so either it hasn't happened or whoever may be involved just hasn't owned up to it. I'm opting for the former, personally.
Even though I do have this fear I also do acknowledge that it's a ridiculous fear. However, just fyi, I don't know if Maura ever tries to say anything to him because I haven't read that far, but personally if this ever happened I would punch whoever if they tried to apologize. I have never punched anyone before in my readily available memory, but I would be so hurt and disgusted that I would gladly punch someone in that instance. Preferable right in the mouth so that the hopefully ensuing blood would muffle their pathetic excuses. But I swear, I'm not a violent person >.>
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
August 30th - Rush
Good morning solar system I only have 24 minutes to write this so it's probably not going to be very interesting!
First of all I have been playing the game Dark Sigil for DS a lot lately and I think it's really really good even though it's really really difficult by modern RPG standards and I am over leveled a lot but I still have trouble because the random encounters are so frequent it makes me want to tear my hair out and set it on fire and throw it at people! But other than that I really like the game!
As a general side note for all RPGs, I find it really annoying when you are in a house or a store or something and there's like a dozen treasure chests lying around with absolutely no way to get to them! And Black Sigil (I keep calling it Dark Sigil but that's not the right name) manages to make this even more annoying by blocking of treasure chests WITH OTHER TREASURE CHESTS.
Ummm... what else. The blister on my finger from when I burned myself a few days ago got ripped open at work the day before yesterday and it's in a really inconvenient place so I keep hitting it off stuff so now it is open even more and it's all red and the skin is peeled down and it looks really gross and I kind of want to rip the skin off but that will probably make it worse and it kind of hurts, but not like the sting of a cut or the warm hurting feeling of a burn, but like... a tired kind of pain, like you feel in your muscles or kind of like when you have a bruise. In any case, it's weird.
I am now following both John and Hank Green on Twitter, so that's exciting.
I really need to shower and I also really need to wash my work clothes.
My face is all gross from work but my lips feel slightly chapped so I keep licking them and such, and they're all salty and I'll all BLEGHGHRDH but I still keep doing it.
I just bought chocolate milk and drank it AND IT WAS GOOD
I am still reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson because even though I really enjoy it I only ever seem to be in the mood to read it when I am on my breaks at work and that's a bit odd I guess and it will probably take me like two or three weeks to finish it.
I am going to create a page later on linking to my formspring and Twitter accounts, but first I need to find some sort of display picture to use because using the same one everywhere seems kind of boring.
I still have fifteen minutes but I can't really think of anything else so I'm going to wrap this up and I will see you all tomorrow!
First of all I have been playing the game Dark Sigil for DS a lot lately and I think it's really really good even though it's really really difficult by modern RPG standards and I am over leveled a lot but I still have trouble because the random encounters are so frequent it makes me want to tear my hair out and set it on fire and throw it at people! But other than that I really like the game!
As a general side note for all RPGs, I find it really annoying when you are in a house or a store or something and there's like a dozen treasure chests lying around with absolutely no way to get to them! And Black Sigil (I keep calling it Dark Sigil but that's not the right name) manages to make this even more annoying by blocking of treasure chests WITH OTHER TREASURE CHESTS.
Ummm... what else. The blister on my finger from when I burned myself a few days ago got ripped open at work the day before yesterday and it's in a really inconvenient place so I keep hitting it off stuff so now it is open even more and it's all red and the skin is peeled down and it looks really gross and I kind of want to rip the skin off but that will probably make it worse and it kind of hurts, but not like the sting of a cut or the warm hurting feeling of a burn, but like... a tired kind of pain, like you feel in your muscles or kind of like when you have a bruise. In any case, it's weird.
I am now following both John and Hank Green on Twitter, so that's exciting.
I really need to shower and I also really need to wash my work clothes.
My face is all gross from work but my lips feel slightly chapped so I keep licking them and such, and they're all salty and I'll all BLEGHGHRDH but I still keep doing it.
I just bought chocolate milk and drank it AND IT WAS GOOD
I am still reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson because even though I really enjoy it I only ever seem to be in the mood to read it when I am on my breaks at work and that's a bit odd I guess and it will probably take me like two or three weeks to finish it.
I am going to create a page later on linking to my formspring and Twitter accounts, but first I need to find some sort of display picture to use because using the same one everywhere seems kind of boring.
I still have fifteen minutes but I can't really think of anything else so I'm going to wrap this up and I will see you all tomorrow!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
August 29th - Tiresome
Good evening, solar system. My legs and my feet and my everything hurts.
I am kind of going a little crazy right now because I really want to find another job, and I really want to go to college, and I really want to be doing something that isn't ridiculously frustrating and doesn't seem so pointless and wasteful.
So, my roommate and I were planning (kind of... it was a definite thing) on moving to a bigger town/city thing roughly a year from now. But I have been thinking a lot lately and I'm not sure that I want to move there. I certainly want to move away from here. But moving there was his idea and I basically was just going along because I had no other plans. I have decided that I need to start making decisions for myself. When I move. I want to move to someplace that *I* want to go. I don't want to just be tagging along.
I have also decided that I want to go to college. I have had people telling me that I need to go for forever, but until recently it was just sort of an idea. A possibility. It wasn't something I really wanted to do. But it is now. It's something I really want to do badly, actually. The problem is I don't know where to go or for what. So I won't exactly be packing up and taking off tomorrow. Then another problem is that I'll have to quit my current job.
It's true that I hate my job, but I really like some of the people I work with. And we are kind of short staffed at the moment so I am afraid of disappointing them. But I don't think I will survive more than a year at that place. It's just not going to happen.
But anyway, we talked about it and I told him how I was feeling, and it was all perfectly fine. He said it actually works out kind of well that way. Him and his girlfriend have been meaning to go traveling for a while and next year would be a good time to do it. So that's good. Now I just need to develop a more specific plan of what I want to do.
On the topic of moving and such, my roommate and I currently live with his mother and sister and we have been wanting to move out for months. But we have been searching and searching and literally have not found a single place in town. It's very frustrating, especially since my bedroom here isn't really mine so I have to kind of crowd all my stuff into laundry baskets and garbage bag which pretty much surround my bed. And there is also stuff piled ON my bed and it is just... not very ideal. And I think his mother is getting irritated with us being here, despite the fact that we really would not be if we were given a choice (one besides being homeless). So if some of the people taking up the apartment space in town could just scuttle off somewhere else, that would be nice.
I think that is more or less all I've got to share with you all today. There is one other thing but I haven't gotten permission to share that yet... so it will have to wait.
I am kind of going a little crazy right now because I really want to find another job, and I really want to go to college, and I really want to be doing something that isn't ridiculously frustrating and doesn't seem so pointless and wasteful.
So, my roommate and I were planning (kind of... it was a definite thing) on moving to a bigger town/city thing roughly a year from now. But I have been thinking a lot lately and I'm not sure that I want to move there. I certainly want to move away from here. But moving there was his idea and I basically was just going along because I had no other plans. I have decided that I need to start making decisions for myself. When I move. I want to move to someplace that *I* want to go. I don't want to just be tagging along.
I have also decided that I want to go to college. I have had people telling me that I need to go for forever, but until recently it was just sort of an idea. A possibility. It wasn't something I really wanted to do. But it is now. It's something I really want to do badly, actually. The problem is I don't know where to go or for what. So I won't exactly be packing up and taking off tomorrow. Then another problem is that I'll have to quit my current job.
It's true that I hate my job, but I really like some of the people I work with. And we are kind of short staffed at the moment so I am afraid of disappointing them. But I don't think I will survive more than a year at that place. It's just not going to happen.
But anyway, we talked about it and I told him how I was feeling, and it was all perfectly fine. He said it actually works out kind of well that way. Him and his girlfriend have been meaning to go traveling for a while and next year would be a good time to do it. So that's good. Now I just need to develop a more specific plan of what I want to do.
On the topic of moving and such, my roommate and I currently live with his mother and sister and we have been wanting to move out for months. But we have been searching and searching and literally have not found a single place in town. It's very frustrating, especially since my bedroom here isn't really mine so I have to kind of crowd all my stuff into laundry baskets and garbage bag which pretty much surround my bed. And there is also stuff piled ON my bed and it is just... not very ideal. And I think his mother is getting irritated with us being here, despite the fact that we really would not be if we were given a choice (one besides being homeless). So if some of the people taking up the apartment space in town could just scuttle off somewhere else, that would be nice.
I think that is more or less all I've got to share with you all today. There is one other thing but I haven't gotten permission to share that yet... so it will have to wait.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
August 28th - Checkpoint
Good evening, solar system.
I am proud to say that this entry marks the end of the first week of my blog project! And I haven't missed a day yet! YAY!
A couple things happened today. 1) When I got to work, I found out it was my coworker's last day. Apparently he gave his two weeks notice and then he just didn't get put onto the schedule for next week at all.
Ever since I started there, he has been complaining about how much he hates working there - and now he's going on to something he likes more. It's making me think that maybe I should also go after something that... y'know, doesn't make me want to die. It gives me hope that it's possible, at least.
The second thing, and this really isn't important at all, but apparently this same guy thought I was around 23. I guess technically I *am* around 23, since it's only three years. But he seemed really surprised to figure out that I had only turned 20 a week ago. Likewise, a girl I was working with later told me she is turning 30 in about six months, and she honestly looks like she could be 18.
Thing number 3: I learned what the word embargo means. More or less.
Thing number 4: My finger hurts because I got a blister from burning it at work and today it caught on something and ripped the blister wide open. It is all red and ugly and ow.
Thing number 5: My insides were also hurting a little while ago and it led me to invent a new word - reproductories. Ie "my reproductories hurt"
Athing number 6: I have two facebook accounts and I am thinking of remaking my alternate one to coincide with my blog. I was also thinking of linking to my formspring and my twitter. I dunno, maybe that comes off as being really self-important, but I'm not doing it because I think I'm THAT interesting that people want to read what I have to say on EVERY website. I just want to open up some more ways for me to interact with the readers, and maybe get some ideas on what to talk about, or themes for days of the week or whatever. As I said in the beginning, I can't do this without you! Feedback on these ideas is very welcome! (And by very welcome, I mean I would really really appreciate it please)
Number Seven: I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has followed me for these first seven days. I really appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say, and I am really glad that everyone seems to be enjoying it so far. If you have friends who you think might be likewise interested, I promise not to hold it against you if you send them this way ;) (Fyi, I can almost 100% guarantee you that you will never again see me use the winking smiley face.)
Thing The Eighth: My work schedule for next week really sucks but for the most part I will either be starting at 5pm or getting home at around 5:30pm so it shouldn't really mess with my updates too much. Some of them will probably just be a little short because nothing will have really happened yet that day.
Thing IX: There is a ladybug perched on the edge of my camera (thus preventing me from taking a picture) and it is just kind of standing there, rotating itself in these little circles. I think it might be because I have a ceiling fan and a tabletop fan going at the same time, so it was probably really confused as to how exactly it's supposed to fly in here. It was kind of adorable.
Tenthing: I will see you tomorrow.
I am proud to say that this entry marks the end of the first week of my blog project! And I haven't missed a day yet! YAY!
A couple things happened today. 1) When I got to work, I found out it was my coworker's last day. Apparently he gave his two weeks notice and then he just didn't get put onto the schedule for next week at all.
Ever since I started there, he has been complaining about how much he hates working there - and now he's going on to something he likes more. It's making me think that maybe I should also go after something that... y'know, doesn't make me want to die. It gives me hope that it's possible, at least.
The second thing, and this really isn't important at all, but apparently this same guy thought I was around 23. I guess technically I *am* around 23, since it's only three years. But he seemed really surprised to figure out that I had only turned 20 a week ago. Likewise, a girl I was working with later told me she is turning 30 in about six months, and she honestly looks like she could be 18.
Thing number 3: I learned what the word embargo means. More or less.
Thing number 4: My finger hurts because I got a blister from burning it at work and today it caught on something and ripped the blister wide open. It is all red and ugly and ow.
Thing number 5: My insides were also hurting a little while ago and it led me to invent a new word - reproductories. Ie "my reproductories hurt"
Athing number 6: I have two facebook accounts and I am thinking of remaking my alternate one to coincide with my blog. I was also thinking of linking to my formspring and my twitter. I dunno, maybe that comes off as being really self-important, but I'm not doing it because I think I'm THAT interesting that people want to read what I have to say on EVERY website. I just want to open up some more ways for me to interact with the readers, and maybe get some ideas on what to talk about, or themes for days of the week or whatever. As I said in the beginning, I can't do this without you! Feedback on these ideas is very welcome! (And by very welcome, I mean I would really really appreciate it please)
Number Seven: I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has followed me for these first seven days. I really appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say, and I am really glad that everyone seems to be enjoying it so far. If you have friends who you think might be likewise interested, I promise not to hold it against you if you send them this way ;) (Fyi, I can almost 100% guarantee you that you will never again see me use the winking smiley face.)
Thing The Eighth: My work schedule for next week really sucks but for the most part I will either be starting at 5pm or getting home at around 5:30pm so it shouldn't really mess with my updates too much. Some of them will probably just be a little short because nothing will have really happened yet that day.
Thing IX: There is a ladybug perched on the edge of my camera (thus preventing me from taking a picture) and it is just kind of standing there, rotating itself in these little circles. I think it might be because I have a ceiling fan and a tabletop fan going at the same time, so it was probably really confused as to how exactly it's supposed to fly in here. It was kind of adorable.
Tenthing: I will see you tomorrow.
Friday, August 27, 2010
August 27th - Defining
Good outrageously early morning, solar system.
If all of the world were to simultaneously forget the words unique, different, weird, it would not make us all the same. It is not words who define us, but us who define the words. We define ourselves.
We do not choose when life will be fair, or who to be fair to, but are given the chance to choose when we will be fair, who we will be fair to. There are many things which you can give, which you can also in time run out of. Fairness is not one of them. Even when we find ourselves in dire need of it ourselves - we still have plenty to give to others. We are gifted the opportunity to choose for ourselves the impact we will make on the world, so why not choose a way that makes the world suck a little less?
I'll see you all tomorrow.
End of the day update! Work was horrible and frustrating and I really need to start looking for something else before I go crazy and decide to shove knives in my skin! Yay!
If all of the world were to simultaneously forget the words unique, different, weird, it would not make us all the same. It is not words who define us, but us who define the words. We define ourselves.
We do not choose when life will be fair, or who to be fair to, but are given the chance to choose when we will be fair, who we will be fair to. There are many things which you can give, which you can also in time run out of. Fairness is not one of them. Even when we find ourselves in dire need of it ourselves - we still have plenty to give to others. We are gifted the opportunity to choose for ourselves the impact we will make on the world, so why not choose a way that makes the world suck a little less?
I'll see you all tomorrow.
End of the day update! Work was horrible and frustrating and I really need to start looking for something else before I go crazy and decide to shove knives in my skin! Yay!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
August 26th - The Weight of Hilarity
Good once-again -almost-midnight solar system!
Today my copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson came in the mail which was VERY EXCITING. Unfortunately I have not read very much of it because I am kind of transfixed by a video game at the present moment but I assure you, I will not be kept away for long. I stayed up very late last night and finished reading An Abundance of Katherines, and it was very good indeed.
In the ten or so pages I read before my brain was invaded by alien forces, I noticed something similar about Colin's best friend and Will#1's best friend - they are both described as being overweight to a point where it is almost the focal point of their character. There also seems to be a similarity (now I can't really judge this seeing as I'm not very far into WGWG) but the main purpose for them both seems to be 1) being the character's only "real" frieend, and 2) providing humor.
I have noticed in many video games, many movies, many books that overweight people are often portrayed as either sources of great humour, over affectionate aunts, or as greedy, evil people. Every group has its archetypes - guys who play sports in school are jerks, pretty girls don't care about anyone but themselves, etc. I am not critiquing either story, I'm just pointing out that I noticed a similarity and I find the stereotype interesting.
Where did the stereotype come from, I wonder? Is it because they can get stuck inside small spaces, and it's good for a cheap laugh? Is it because they can be identified immediately and thus the jokes can be made right off the bat? I would think that anyone could be just as easy to make fun of, if that was the motivation.
I have not read many stories or seen many movies (once again, etc) where the main character was overweight, certainly not one in some sort of a heroic setting. I have seen some, yes, and I am sure there are many out there which I have not been exposed to. Lots of people get upset when someone inserts a gay character into their story just to prance around and give everyone a cheap laugh but I have never heard anyone object to an overweight character being used in the same manner.
I'm not saying that overweight people (a group which, arguably, I may be included in) are some downtrodden group that needs us to rally in their support, and I'm not saying that they are on par with homosexuals or transsexuals as far as discrimination is concerned. But anyone who went to school at any point in their life has likely heard people being called fat and I'm just curious how they developed this universal status as "funny people."
I don't know if any of what I'm saying is really going anywhere. I guess I just think that people should think a bit more about the things they find funny. I have laughed at things I probably should not have laughed at, and I doubt that I never will again. People don't like to think about the things that make them laugh, because that takes the humour out of it. And people certainly don't need anything else to be sad about in this world. But when you're laughing at someone's expense... I don't think it matters whether you have a gay/overweight/black/christian/whatever friend, and you love them to pieces. What needs to be considered is... are you laughing at because the stereotype is so ridiculous? Or are you laughing because it's "so true"? Are you laughing because it sounds like something a person you don't like would do, or because it sounds like something no one would ever do?
Maybe I'm the only one who won't find this completely ridiculous and pointless, but... well, those are my thoughts for tonight.
Today my copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson came in the mail which was VERY EXCITING. Unfortunately I have not read very much of it because I am kind of transfixed by a video game at the present moment but I assure you, I will not be kept away for long. I stayed up very late last night and finished reading An Abundance of Katherines, and it was very good indeed.
In the ten or so pages I read before my brain was invaded by alien forces, I noticed something similar about Colin's best friend and Will#1's best friend - they are both described as being overweight to a point where it is almost the focal point of their character. There also seems to be a similarity (now I can't really judge this seeing as I'm not very far into WGWG) but the main purpose for them both seems to be 1) being the character's only "real" frieend, and 2) providing humor.
I have noticed in many video games, many movies, many books that overweight people are often portrayed as either sources of great humour, over affectionate aunts, or as greedy, evil people. Every group has its archetypes - guys who play sports in school are jerks, pretty girls don't care about anyone but themselves, etc. I am not critiquing either story, I'm just pointing out that I noticed a similarity and I find the stereotype interesting.
Where did the stereotype come from, I wonder? Is it because they can get stuck inside small spaces, and it's good for a cheap laugh? Is it because they can be identified immediately and thus the jokes can be made right off the bat? I would think that anyone could be just as easy to make fun of, if that was the motivation.
I have not read many stories or seen many movies (once again, etc) where the main character was overweight, certainly not one in some sort of a heroic setting. I have seen some, yes, and I am sure there are many out there which I have not been exposed to. Lots of people get upset when someone inserts a gay character into their story just to prance around and give everyone a cheap laugh but I have never heard anyone object to an overweight character being used in the same manner.
I'm not saying that overweight people (a group which, arguably, I may be included in) are some downtrodden group that needs us to rally in their support, and I'm not saying that they are on par with homosexuals or transsexuals as far as discrimination is concerned. But anyone who went to school at any point in their life has likely heard people being called fat and I'm just curious how they developed this universal status as "funny people."
I don't know if any of what I'm saying is really going anywhere. I guess I just think that people should think a bit more about the things they find funny. I have laughed at things I probably should not have laughed at, and I doubt that I never will again. People don't like to think about the things that make them laugh, because that takes the humour out of it. And people certainly don't need anything else to be sad about in this world. But when you're laughing at someone's expense... I don't think it matters whether you have a gay/overweight/black/christian/whatever friend, and you love them to pieces. What needs to be considered is... are you laughing at because the stereotype is so ridiculous? Or are you laughing because it's "so true"? Are you laughing because it sounds like something a person you don't like would do, or because it sounds like something no one would ever do?
Maybe I'm the only one who won't find this completely ridiculous and pointless, but... well, those are my thoughts for tonight.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
August 25th - Ambition
Good almost very early morning, solar system.
So a couple days ago I red about how I cut my finger at work and bled a lot. Well, today I burned my finger and now I have the humongous blister! Yay!
It hurts so bad.
So, here's the thing. I am currently about half way through An Abundance of Katherines and I am finding myself to be very very similar to the main character. Aside from the fact that I am not nearly as intelligent, I haven't had nearly as many romantic relationships I don't have tonnes of money, and pretty much a hundred other things. But I do want to be something great. I don't so much want to be famous so that people will like me because I will be famous. But there is a small part of me, who wishes at times that I was famous, so that someone who likes me and accepts who I am will be able to find me easier.
Not only that, but usually when you're famous people know a lot about you. Sometimes a really disturbing amount of things, like your exact height and weight. But the point is I wouldn't have to explain myself. The daydream doesn't so much focus on having people in the streets scream and talk about how much they love me, and it doesn't focus on being rich. The daydream is to be able to attract people who will accept me, who will not find me irritating, who I do not have to worry about them rejecting me for this or that because they will know everything right from the start.
That being said I honestly do have a lot of daydreams of myself singing in a concert or dancing in music videos or whatnot. Singing and dancing are things I have a lot of fun doing, it would be great to be able to do that as a profession. It would also be great to actually be good at those things.
The reason I've been thinking about this isn't just because of Katherines. It's because these couple injuries at work the past few days have been irritating me. As I pointed out in a previous post, I am a big clutz. But at home I generally manage to avoid getting burnt or sliced or bruised in some fashion every single day. Because I know well enough not to stand next to the oven all day. I've been working there about five-six months now, and I would really like to not be covered in scars by the time my next birthday rolls around. I don't mind scars in certain circumstances, but I think I would mind pointing to a hundred scars and saying "Oh, this is from when I worked in the kitchen at a fast food place, and so is this, and so is this, and so is this, and..." etc. It just doesn't feel like it's worth it to me.
I will not deny it. I dislike my job a lot. I find it dull, monotonous, redundant, mind numbingly simplistic... you get the picture. The people I work with make it interesting, make it not so torturous, but I have a hard time saying that they make it worthwhile. I don't want to work at a job for ten years where I feel like every moment I spend there is wasted time. But I need the money, and I don't really think I have many other options.
I have just realized that this post may be the first one where I have actually talked about one of the things in my life that I hope to be figuring out over the next year. I think I should make a list of some sort....
Item #1: Employment
Additionally, if anyone reading this has any questions they would like me to answer, either related to this post or not, please leave them in the comments and I will answer them tomorrow.
So a couple days ago I red about how I cut my finger at work and bled a lot. Well, today I burned my finger and now I have the humongous blister! Yay!
It hurts so bad.
So, here's the thing. I am currently about half way through An Abundance of Katherines and I am finding myself to be very very similar to the main character. Aside from the fact that I am not nearly as intelligent, I haven't had nearly as many romantic relationships I don't have tonnes of money, and pretty much a hundred other things. But I do want to be something great. I don't so much want to be famous so that people will like me because I will be famous. But there is a small part of me, who wishes at times that I was famous, so that someone who likes me and accepts who I am will be able to find me easier.
Not only that, but usually when you're famous people know a lot about you. Sometimes a really disturbing amount of things, like your exact height and weight. But the point is I wouldn't have to explain myself. The daydream doesn't so much focus on having people in the streets scream and talk about how much they love me, and it doesn't focus on being rich. The daydream is to be able to attract people who will accept me, who will not find me irritating, who I do not have to worry about them rejecting me for this or that because they will know everything right from the start.
That being said I honestly do have a lot of daydreams of myself singing in a concert or dancing in music videos or whatnot. Singing and dancing are things I have a lot of fun doing, it would be great to be able to do that as a profession. It would also be great to actually be good at those things.
The reason I've been thinking about this isn't just because of Katherines. It's because these couple injuries at work the past few days have been irritating me. As I pointed out in a previous post, I am a big clutz. But at home I generally manage to avoid getting burnt or sliced or bruised in some fashion every single day. Because I know well enough not to stand next to the oven all day. I've been working there about five-six months now, and I would really like to not be covered in scars by the time my next birthday rolls around. I don't mind scars in certain circumstances, but I think I would mind pointing to a hundred scars and saying "Oh, this is from when I worked in the kitchen at a fast food place, and so is this, and so is this, and so is this, and..." etc. It just doesn't feel like it's worth it to me.
I will not deny it. I dislike my job a lot. I find it dull, monotonous, redundant, mind numbingly simplistic... you get the picture. The people I work with make it interesting, make it not so torturous, but I have a hard time saying that they make it worthwhile. I don't want to work at a job for ten years where I feel like every moment I spend there is wasted time. But I need the money, and I don't really think I have many other options.
I have just realized that this post may be the first one where I have actually talked about one of the things in my life that I hope to be figuring out over the next year. I think I should make a list of some sort....
Item #1: Employment
Additionally, if anyone reading this has any questions they would like me to answer, either related to this post or not, please leave them in the comments and I will answer them tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
August 24th - John Green and God
Good evening solar system, once again I have two separate things to share with you.
First of all, a few hours ago, when I got up to go to the bathroom and get my ration of food for the morning, I found this outside my bedroom door.
I was pretty sure that I knew what it was, cuz a friend of mine had ordered some anime for me for my birthday and that hadn't arrived yet. So I brought it into my room and opened it up, and... surprise!
It wasn't anime. It was Looking for Alaska and An Abundance of Katherines, which I had ordered from chapters.indigo.ca (note the "Indigo" part) and they just shipped out yesterday! That's really exciting!
However, this also made me realize something kind of frightening and moronic regarding the anime, and so I will have to check with my friend about that and if my suspicion is true then I will feel very stupid and have to re-order it for myself. But I'm not going to tell you what that suspicion is, though I might if I find out I was right. Or wrong.
Part two, religion!
So yesterday (or possibly earlier today? Or both. I don't remember.) commenter "Steve" left me a couple very helpful comments regarding the writing woes I expressed in my last post. I was curious, like I am with all of my commenters, so I clicked on his name and I got taken to his blog which I browsed a little bit, and found it quite nice, and joined the forum, and typed out a couple comments but ended up deleting them all and not leaving any in the end... sorry!
Anyhoo, I clicked on one of the tags and ended up reading a post from November 2009. Now, the post by Steve itself wasn't what got me into the mood to write this, but trust me that's a good thing. There was an article that his post linked to, and that is the main source of my current frustration, thought it certainly has other sources as well.
Recently I was in a chatroom at a forum, and I was feeling kind of iffy about how things were going. I'm not very good at integrating myself into mass chats to start with, but there was also a lot of people snapping at each other or making offhand offensive remarks and stuff like that, and that was bugging me. A lot about forums bugs me, but I will talk about that some other time.
The point in the conversation where I decided I had to leave was when the topic of religion came up. There were a couple people early on who stated that they were religious, but this got ignored. I would not have been angered by a civil discussion of different opinions, but this conversation contained not even the faintest hint of that.
What it did contain though, was a lot of people ganging up to rag on religion with complete disregard for anyone who might have been religious. And that's what also bugged me about the article above. It wasn't saying that what SOME people were doing were wrong. It was saying, with absolute certainty, that *anyone* who believed in God was wrong. The article never stated this outright, but I found there to be very strong implications.
What really really bugs me though is when people whine about Christians acting like they have been victimized. In the article, there was a video in which a man said that children can't pray in school anymore, to which everyone replied "You're full of crap, of course they can, stop acting like people are judging you because of your religion, etc". Well, I am not Christian I assure you but if I was I would certainly not feel comfortable praying in school.
There are a lot of extremists on tv, especially since the big battle of gay rights began, but it has given people this idea that all Christians are evil, everyone who believes in God is some insane extremist that will claw out your throat if you don't believe what they do. People act like Christianity is this massive force that still has the same influence over everyone that it had 100 years ago and that's simply not true. Look at how many more atheists and agnostics and people of a hundred other religions we have now than we had back then. Look at how laws are being changed, made, removed because decisions are being made based on human rights and not religious beliefs.
I can understand why some Christians are afraid that their beliefs are being lost, that the world is "slipping away" so to speak. I'm not saying Christians are perfect and I'm not advocating for the religion but in a way, I am advocating for Christians in general (and note there is not a single religious group in the world that I would advocate for entirely).
My basic point here, is that I want people to stop being hypocrites. I want them to stop assuming people of a certain religion, or of ANY religion are all bigots, or all extremists, or all terrorists (in reference to the recent news of the mosque in New York) or whatever. If you want people to be tolerant of your beliefs then it doesn't help you to go around calling them all insane and telling them that they are morons for believing on God, or whatever.
Also, one last little point - the crusades, the Spanish inquisition, the witch hunts or whatever. Yes they were terrible but I can pretty much assure you that no Christians alive today had anything to do with it. Please stop using them as an excuse to hate on Christians, because it's exactly the same as those people who will use one line in a bible to justify their hatred for homosexuals. Generally, those two distinct groups of people aren't on the same side, so it's amusing how they act so similar.
That's all I have to say for today... I will see you all tomorrow.
First of all, a few hours ago, when I got up to go to the bathroom and get my ration of food for the morning, I found this outside my bedroom door.
I was pretty sure that I knew what it was, cuz a friend of mine had ordered some anime for me for my birthday and that hadn't arrived yet. So I brought it into my room and opened it up, and... surprise!
It wasn't anime. It was Looking for Alaska and An Abundance of Katherines, which I had ordered from chapters.indigo.ca (note the "Indigo" part) and they just shipped out yesterday! That's really exciting!However, this also made me realize something kind of frightening and moronic regarding the anime, and so I will have to check with my friend about that and if my suspicion is true then I will feel very stupid and have to re-order it for myself. But I'm not going to tell you what that suspicion is, though I might if I find out I was right. Or wrong.
Part two, religion!
So yesterday (or possibly earlier today? Or both. I don't remember.) commenter "Steve" left me a couple very helpful comments regarding the writing woes I expressed in my last post. I was curious, like I am with all of my commenters, so I clicked on his name and I got taken to his blog which I browsed a little bit, and found it quite nice, and joined the forum, and typed out a couple comments but ended up deleting them all and not leaving any in the end... sorry!
Anyhoo, I clicked on one of the tags and ended up reading a post from November 2009. Now, the post by Steve itself wasn't what got me into the mood to write this, but trust me that's a good thing. There was an article that his post linked to, and that is the main source of my current frustration, thought it certainly has other sources as well.
Recently I was in a chatroom at a forum, and I was feeling kind of iffy about how things were going. I'm not very good at integrating myself into mass chats to start with, but there was also a lot of people snapping at each other or making offhand offensive remarks and stuff like that, and that was bugging me. A lot about forums bugs me, but I will talk about that some other time.
The point in the conversation where I decided I had to leave was when the topic of religion came up. There were a couple people early on who stated that they were religious, but this got ignored. I would not have been angered by a civil discussion of different opinions, but this conversation contained not even the faintest hint of that.
What it did contain though, was a lot of people ganging up to rag on religion with complete disregard for anyone who might have been religious. And that's what also bugged me about the article above. It wasn't saying that what SOME people were doing were wrong. It was saying, with absolute certainty, that *anyone* who believed in God was wrong. The article never stated this outright, but I found there to be very strong implications.
What really really bugs me though is when people whine about Christians acting like they have been victimized. In the article, there was a video in which a man said that children can't pray in school anymore, to which everyone replied "You're full of crap, of course they can, stop acting like people are judging you because of your religion, etc". Well, I am not Christian I assure you but if I was I would certainly not feel comfortable praying in school.
There are a lot of extremists on tv, especially since the big battle of gay rights began, but it has given people this idea that all Christians are evil, everyone who believes in God is some insane extremist that will claw out your throat if you don't believe what they do. People act like Christianity is this massive force that still has the same influence over everyone that it had 100 years ago and that's simply not true. Look at how many more atheists and agnostics and people of a hundred other religions we have now than we had back then. Look at how laws are being changed, made, removed because decisions are being made based on human rights and not religious beliefs.
I can understand why some Christians are afraid that their beliefs are being lost, that the world is "slipping away" so to speak. I'm not saying Christians are perfect and I'm not advocating for the religion but in a way, I am advocating for Christians in general (and note there is not a single religious group in the world that I would advocate for entirely).
My basic point here, is that I want people to stop being hypocrites. I want them to stop assuming people of a certain religion, or of ANY religion are all bigots, or all extremists, or all terrorists (in reference to the recent news of the mosque in New York) or whatever. If you want people to be tolerant of your beliefs then it doesn't help you to go around calling them all insane and telling them that they are morons for believing on God, or whatever.
Also, one last little point - the crusades, the Spanish inquisition, the witch hunts or whatever. Yes they were terrible but I can pretty much assure you that no Christians alive today had anything to do with it. Please stop using them as an excuse to hate on Christians, because it's exactly the same as those people who will use one line in a bible to justify their hatred for homosexuals. Generally, those two distinct groups of people aren't on the same side, so it's amusing how they act so similar.
That's all I have to say for today... I will see you all tomorrow.
Monday, August 23, 2010
August 23rd - Writing Woes
Happy 10 pm, solar system.
I had today off from work, and even though I really wanted to write something I just ended up playing video games most of the day. And showering.
There is one little project I've been working on for a few months now, fleshing out the characters and whatnot. So I kind of want to get started with writing that, but the problem is that I don't really know how to work it into a novel format because the idea was largely inspired by video games. Therefore, the project itself has largely been regarded as a "video game" project in my brain, with characters coming in and out like they would in an rpg storyline and so forth. The problem with this is a) I do not know how to write in "video game" format, and b) from what I have read, it is next to impossible to submit a video game concept unless you are already employed at a game company, and for the most they expect you to have some sort of demo which I am entirely incapable of.
So I have other projects as well. Many of them, some of which have been under construction for years. I just don't know what to do with them all. They are in my brain. I know they're up there, I hear them rattling around all the time. But I can't seem to ever squeeze them out. They seem to want to stay in there and I'm not sure I like that idea. In fact, I am pretty sure that I don't like it all. So anyone who knows a good way to motivate my lazy arse... let me know?
In other news, since I have been playing video games all day, I have been reminded of a few things that really bug me in rpg's. The first one is treasure chests that are sitting out in the open but there is no way to get them. The most common place for these is sitting right beside a shopkeeper behind a counter or something. Another thing that bugs me is extremely frequent battles that give really low amounts of exp. That not only makes things tedious, but really annoying as well.
I am kind of in a blah mood today. I wonder if my lack of motivation in writing comes from my general lack of significant experiences in my life. I haven't been in love in a long, long time. The only truly "serious" relationship I have been in was online, so I have never experienced that physical aspect of a relationship. And I don't mean sex, I really don't care about that in the least. If sex was all I wanted, I could have that without waiting for a relationship. What I want is to be comfortable with someone, and content. I want to have someone who will think it's cute when I get really excited over really dorky, nerdy things.
The problem is finding someone like that when I have such a huge problem reaching out to people. I am not the kind of person who can just walk into a room with a bunch of strangers and start talking to people. Especially if there is no one there I know. If I have a friend with me then I tend to be more comfortable. Or if the other person initiates the conversation I have an easier time. Especially if they give me something really easy to respond to, like asking what kind of music I listen to or something.
I have never really been good at socializing. When I was young I was constantly switching between groups of friends, and a big part of that is that I tend to get ignored a lot in groups of more than three people. Another part was that I was really annoying and sensitive and dramatic as a kid and to some extent I'm still not really over that though I think I have improved in the past eight or nine years.
There are just all these things about myself that I wish really bad I could change but it's also hard because, this may sound a bit conceited, but in general I like to think that I am an okay person. I think I have good morals, I don't think I'm very mean to people and I don't think that I'm a complete idiot. And so it's hard to identify the parts of myself that people find annoying and correct that. One of the things that my roommate gets frustrated at me a lot for is that I'm clumsy but to be fair he does have a habit of leaving his beverages sitting on the floor in front of his door. But I readily admit my clumsiness and take responsibility for the consequences of my misdirected movements.
In some ways I think I am still kind of a little kid. When people are upset with me I tend to take it really hard. I just stow away in some place where I don't have to see other people or talk to them and I figure that way I'm not around to irritate them, but then I'm just sitting in a room alone somewhere thinking about how I annoy everyone who I spend more than five seconds around and that isn't exactly helping things.
This is becoming really long winded and not really leading up to anything so I am going to get up and leave the house for the first time today. I will see you all tomorrow.
I had today off from work, and even though I really wanted to write something I just ended up playing video games most of the day. And showering.
There is one little project I've been working on for a few months now, fleshing out the characters and whatnot. So I kind of want to get started with writing that, but the problem is that I don't really know how to work it into a novel format because the idea was largely inspired by video games. Therefore, the project itself has largely been regarded as a "video game" project in my brain, with characters coming in and out like they would in an rpg storyline and so forth. The problem with this is a) I do not know how to write in "video game" format, and b) from what I have read, it is next to impossible to submit a video game concept unless you are already employed at a game company, and for the most they expect you to have some sort of demo which I am entirely incapable of.
So I have other projects as well. Many of them, some of which have been under construction for years. I just don't know what to do with them all. They are in my brain. I know they're up there, I hear them rattling around all the time. But I can't seem to ever squeeze them out. They seem to want to stay in there and I'm not sure I like that idea. In fact, I am pretty sure that I don't like it all. So anyone who knows a good way to motivate my lazy arse... let me know?
In other news, since I have been playing video games all day, I have been reminded of a few things that really bug me in rpg's. The first one is treasure chests that are sitting out in the open but there is no way to get them. The most common place for these is sitting right beside a shopkeeper behind a counter or something. Another thing that bugs me is extremely frequent battles that give really low amounts of exp. That not only makes things tedious, but really annoying as well.
I am kind of in a blah mood today. I wonder if my lack of motivation in writing comes from my general lack of significant experiences in my life. I haven't been in love in a long, long time. The only truly "serious" relationship I have been in was online, so I have never experienced that physical aspect of a relationship. And I don't mean sex, I really don't care about that in the least. If sex was all I wanted, I could have that without waiting for a relationship. What I want is to be comfortable with someone, and content. I want to have someone who will think it's cute when I get really excited over really dorky, nerdy things.
The problem is finding someone like that when I have such a huge problem reaching out to people. I am not the kind of person who can just walk into a room with a bunch of strangers and start talking to people. Especially if there is no one there I know. If I have a friend with me then I tend to be more comfortable. Or if the other person initiates the conversation I have an easier time. Especially if they give me something really easy to respond to, like asking what kind of music I listen to or something.
I have never really been good at socializing. When I was young I was constantly switching between groups of friends, and a big part of that is that I tend to get ignored a lot in groups of more than three people. Another part was that I was really annoying and sensitive and dramatic as a kid and to some extent I'm still not really over that though I think I have improved in the past eight or nine years.
There are just all these things about myself that I wish really bad I could change but it's also hard because, this may sound a bit conceited, but in general I like to think that I am an okay person. I think I have good morals, I don't think I'm very mean to people and I don't think that I'm a complete idiot. And so it's hard to identify the parts of myself that people find annoying and correct that. One of the things that my roommate gets frustrated at me a lot for is that I'm clumsy but to be fair he does have a habit of leaving his beverages sitting on the floor in front of his door. But I readily admit my clumsiness and take responsibility for the consequences of my misdirected movements.
In some ways I think I am still kind of a little kid. When people are upset with me I tend to take it really hard. I just stow away in some place where I don't have to see other people or talk to them and I figure that way I'm not around to irritate them, but then I'm just sitting in a room alone somewhere thinking about how I annoy everyone who I spend more than five seconds around and that isn't exactly helping things.
This is becoming really long winded and not really leading up to anything so I am going to get up and leave the house for the first time today. I will see you all tomorrow.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
August 22nd - I'm Glad I'm Not Anemic
Good evening solar system, today I lost a lot of blood.
I work in a fast food restaurant and at that fast food restaurant we have an iron grill on which we cook three kinds of sandwich; a blt, a turkey & Swiss, and grilled cheese. The grilled cheese are particularly annoying because when you cut it, the melted cheese gets onto the knife and it is very hard to get it off. (Hint, this is called foreshadowing)
I think I should also notice that I have minor obsessive compulsive tendencies when it comes to dishes and cleanliness. I have literally scrubbed at one dish for over half an hour, and someone had to come over and tell me "It's clean, just put it away."
Anyhoo, so there was cheese on the sandwich knife and for some mysterious reason we only have ONE sandwich knife. So I took it to the sink and on the very first scrub, my hand slipped and slid down the blade and cut a deep line into the side of my finger which proceeded to gush excessive amounts of blood for around five minutes or so until I could get a bandaid from my supervisor. And all was well and good after that.
And it may not be occurring to you now, but I'm sure it will, no I was not anywhere near any food while I was gushing blood. The knife was re-cleaned, the sink was emptied and cleaned, and I had a paper towel wrapped around the wound in a matter of seconds.
Other than that, there really wasn't much to my day. Last night before bed I spent roughly two hours trying to decide what book(s) to buy with the money my roommate gave me for my birthday. Try as I may, I could only afford one book at a time because I only had a $25 gift card, and every single book combination I tried ended up being more than $25, sometimes only by a few cents - which was really frustrating. So I finally decided on a shiny, hardcover version of Will Grayson, Will Grayson and then used some money from my bank account to buy a hardcover An Abundance of Katherines and a paperback Looking For Alaska. So all of those should be arriving in the mail around next Monday.
I would like to share with you all a few lines of a song I wrote today, as well as a quote from a character I created for a story. They two aren't related, really they are are just two things that were on my mind a lot today.
First, the lyrics;
I remember now
What it's like to cry
To feel the weight of all the hate
That lurks outside
And I recall
A sound I used to hear
The weeping of a child who
Has no one to hold them near
And I can see
Once again the things I've seen before
A trail that's marked with memories
Of souls I'll never know
And I remember now
All of the fear
And when it comes
It means that love is here"
I originally was not going to post the lyrics but instead was going to record myself singing them instead, but I decided against that for the moment. Hopefully by the time I get around to doing that I will still remember the melody, because I kind of really want to do that.
Second thing, the character quote;
"Sometimes... I do things, and I think to myself 'Why would I do that? That doesn't make sense. That isn't logical.' And then this little voice inside my head says 'Because you're crazy.' Most of the time, I can accept that. Most of the times I can accept that I do these things because I'm crazy. But then other times... sad, cold, all by myself times, I think... that I'm not crazy. That the world is what's crazy, and I'm just playing along."
So, that is that. Though I think it is worth mentioning that I pretty much only bought the hardcover version of Abundance of Katherines because there was a rainbow (kinda) on the cover.
I work in a fast food restaurant and at that fast food restaurant we have an iron grill on which we cook three kinds of sandwich; a blt, a turkey & Swiss, and grilled cheese. The grilled cheese are particularly annoying because when you cut it, the melted cheese gets onto the knife and it is very hard to get it off. (Hint, this is called foreshadowing)
I think I should also notice that I have minor obsessive compulsive tendencies when it comes to dishes and cleanliness. I have literally scrubbed at one dish for over half an hour, and someone had to come over and tell me "It's clean, just put it away."
Anyhoo, so there was cheese on the sandwich knife and for some mysterious reason we only have ONE sandwich knife. So I took it to the sink and on the very first scrub, my hand slipped and slid down the blade and cut a deep line into the side of my finger which proceeded to gush excessive amounts of blood for around five minutes or so until I could get a bandaid from my supervisor. And all was well and good after that.
And it may not be occurring to you now, but I'm sure it will, no I was not anywhere near any food while I was gushing blood. The knife was re-cleaned, the sink was emptied and cleaned, and I had a paper towel wrapped around the wound in a matter of seconds.
Other than that, there really wasn't much to my day. Last night before bed I spent roughly two hours trying to decide what book(s) to buy with the money my roommate gave me for my birthday. Try as I may, I could only afford one book at a time because I only had a $25 gift card, and every single book combination I tried ended up being more than $25, sometimes only by a few cents - which was really frustrating. So I finally decided on a shiny, hardcover version of Will Grayson, Will Grayson and then used some money from my bank account to buy a hardcover An Abundance of Katherines and a paperback Looking For Alaska. So all of those should be arriving in the mail around next Monday.
I would like to share with you all a few lines of a song I wrote today, as well as a quote from a character I created for a story. They two aren't related, really they are are just two things that were on my mind a lot today.
First, the lyrics;
I remember now
What it's like to cry
To feel the weight of all the hate
That lurks outside
And I recall
A sound I used to hear
The weeping of a child who
Has no one to hold them near
And I can see
Once again the things I've seen before
A trail that's marked with memories
Of souls I'll never know
And I remember now
All of the fear
And when it comes
It means that love is here"
I originally was not going to post the lyrics but instead was going to record myself singing them instead, but I decided against that for the moment. Hopefully by the time I get around to doing that I will still remember the melody, because I kind of really want to do that.
Second thing, the character quote;
"Sometimes... I do things, and I think to myself 'Why would I do that? That doesn't make sense. That isn't logical.' And then this little voice inside my head says 'Because you're crazy.' Most of the time, I can accept that. Most of the times I can accept that I do these things because I'm crazy. But then other times... sad, cold, all by myself times, I think... that I'm not crazy. That the world is what's crazy, and I'm just playing along."
So, that is that. Though I think it is worth mentioning that I pretty much only bought the hardcover version of Abundance of Katherines because there was a rainbow (kinda) on the cover.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
August 21st - Bulbasaur
Good afternoon, solar system. (Cuz the name of the blog has the word 'sun', har har.)
Five points for anyone who can tell me why this post is titled Bulbasaur. I'd give you ten, except it's really not that hard.
Today is my 20th birthday. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night so as soon as I'm done writing this I will probably go and die a little bit. My mom came by at around 10, and we talked a bit and I fed her some cupcakes and perogies. Then she went to wait in the car while I tried to timidly awake my roommate. We had discussed getting a ride across town because he had to pick up some mail, but he didn't know he was supposed to wake up and come with me because I guess we hadn't decided definitively. I had just assumed. You know what they say about assuming; it leads to long awkward stretches of sitting in your mom's car waiting for your sleepy roommate to put on his incredibly complicated shoes. Or something.
Today was a very good day. I bought batteries for my air mattress, a t-shirt, an A/V adapter thing so we can plug three game systems into one tv without having to switch the plugs around all the time. My mom bought me a new pair of jeans which came with a belt and that was nice. I also bought a patch kit to fix the hole in my air mattress and a whole watermelon.
Something particularly amazing - instead of a birthday cake, my mom made me an apple crisp. AN APPLE CRISP. The last time I had cake was probably about ten times more recent than the last time I had apple crisp. And apple crisp is arguably more healthy, and better yet I'm the only person I know who has ever got apple crisp for their birthday!
It's also kind of humorous because when I first found out the first thing I said to my roommate besides "My mom made me an apple crisp!" was "It's like she knows I'm fat!" But I assure you I was very excited while I said it.
I have been noticing a lot lately that I am not a very good son. I have asked my mother for a heck of a lot of things over the years, and I have promised to pay her back and never have and my parents aren't exactly raking in the big bucks. My mom works in a factory with new owners who just made huge cuts to everyone's pay, and my dad is a caretaker for the graveyard in my hometown as well as running his own small business. They have asked me for so little in return for the things that they've done for me and I have failed to give them some of those things, and I wish I could tell them how sorry I am for that.
I am not saying this in defense, merely bringing it up to point out how generous these unwealthy parents of mine are, but even though I feel bad my mom does make it hard sometimes. Even when I insist that I do not want her to buy me anything she either insists even more than I choose something to let her buy me or just buys me something anyway, so I have regrettably become somewhat accustomed to just asking her for things. Actually in retrospect that kind of makes it worse. Hoh boy, now I feel obligated to get her something really nice for Christmas but I also don't want to seem like my suckiness as a son can be fixed by buying her things. Correcting selfish behaviour is hard :(
I literally spent nearly five or six years closed in a room with a computer and barely talking to anyone anymore than I had to. I have always been shy and I was really ill adapted for social life when I was younger. Looking back on how I acted, I was probably the most annoying person I have ever met. I could never maintain the same group of friends for any extended period of time and with a couple exceptions over the past few years that is still partially true. I have trouble conversing with people. I can never think of what to say, or I think of something too late, and I think that is a big reason why I have trouble communicating with my parents.
I have been judged a lot in my life, as I know pretty much everyone else has also been. But I feel like every aspect of my personality is something only a small group of people be accepting of, and so finding people who are accepting of ALL those things is very difficult. Or maybe it's not. I feel like I don't really know because I don't try very often. But with the amount of people that have judged me for each of these traits or preferences in the past, it seems very likely to me.
Anyhoo. It was a great birthday. I wish more of my friends could have been here, I miss a lot of them. But they all live very far away and are unemployed and a bus here and back is around $230 for some of them. But I had one of my best friends here, and my mom, and I got lots of birthday wishes on Facebook and talked to two other best friends on msn.
I do have some more interesting and exciting things to write about... but I will get to those tomorrow. As long as I don't forget them by then.
Five points for anyone who can tell me why this post is titled Bulbasaur. I'd give you ten, except it's really not that hard.
Today is my 20th birthday. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night so as soon as I'm done writing this I will probably go and die a little bit. My mom came by at around 10, and we talked a bit and I fed her some cupcakes and perogies. Then she went to wait in the car while I tried to timidly awake my roommate. We had discussed getting a ride across town because he had to pick up some mail, but he didn't know he was supposed to wake up and come with me because I guess we hadn't decided definitively. I had just assumed. You know what they say about assuming; it leads to long awkward stretches of sitting in your mom's car waiting for your sleepy roommate to put on his incredibly complicated shoes. Or something.
Today was a very good day. I bought batteries for my air mattress, a t-shirt, an A/V adapter thing so we can plug three game systems into one tv without having to switch the plugs around all the time. My mom bought me a new pair of jeans which came with a belt and that was nice. I also bought a patch kit to fix the hole in my air mattress and a whole watermelon.
Something particularly amazing - instead of a birthday cake, my mom made me an apple crisp. AN APPLE CRISP. The last time I had cake was probably about ten times more recent than the last time I had apple crisp. And apple crisp is arguably more healthy, and better yet I'm the only person I know who has ever got apple crisp for their birthday!
It's also kind of humorous because when I first found out the first thing I said to my roommate besides "My mom made me an apple crisp!" was "It's like she knows I'm fat!" But I assure you I was very excited while I said it.
I have been noticing a lot lately that I am not a very good son. I have asked my mother for a heck of a lot of things over the years, and I have promised to pay her back and never have and my parents aren't exactly raking in the big bucks. My mom works in a factory with new owners who just made huge cuts to everyone's pay, and my dad is a caretaker for the graveyard in my hometown as well as running his own small business. They have asked me for so little in return for the things that they've done for me and I have failed to give them some of those things, and I wish I could tell them how sorry I am for that.
I am not saying this in defense, merely bringing it up to point out how generous these unwealthy parents of mine are, but even though I feel bad my mom does make it hard sometimes. Even when I insist that I do not want her to buy me anything she either insists even more than I choose something to let her buy me or just buys me something anyway, so I have regrettably become somewhat accustomed to just asking her for things. Actually in retrospect that kind of makes it worse. Hoh boy, now I feel obligated to get her something really nice for Christmas but I also don't want to seem like my suckiness as a son can be fixed by buying her things. Correcting selfish behaviour is hard :(
I literally spent nearly five or six years closed in a room with a computer and barely talking to anyone anymore than I had to. I have always been shy and I was really ill adapted for social life when I was younger. Looking back on how I acted, I was probably the most annoying person I have ever met. I could never maintain the same group of friends for any extended period of time and with a couple exceptions over the past few years that is still partially true. I have trouble conversing with people. I can never think of what to say, or I think of something too late, and I think that is a big reason why I have trouble communicating with my parents.
I have been judged a lot in my life, as I know pretty much everyone else has also been. But I feel like every aspect of my personality is something only a small group of people be accepting of, and so finding people who are accepting of ALL those things is very difficult. Or maybe it's not. I feel like I don't really know because I don't try very often. But with the amount of people that have judged me for each of these traits or preferences in the past, it seems very likely to me.
Anyhoo. It was a great birthday. I wish more of my friends could have been here, I miss a lot of them. But they all live very far away and are unemployed and a bus here and back is around $230 for some of them. But I had one of my best friends here, and my mom, and I got lots of birthday wishes on Facebook and talked to two other best friends on msn.
I do have some more interesting and exciting things to write about... but I will get to those tomorrow. As long as I don't forget them by then.
Pre-Project Post
So, greetings to the internet. Tomorrow, or technically later today, I will be starting my Around The Indigo Sun project, in which I will be posting a blog every day for a year, starting and ending on my birthday.
This is a big commitment I am taking on, and hopefully there will be some people around who will be able to bug me and keep me on track. Hopefully what I write will also not be complete trash and some people will find it thoughtful, or amusing, or maybe a little helpful or interesting or any number of other things, but I really hope that this will be a positive experience for anyone who decides to be involved.
A couple things you should know if you plan to be reading this blog, no matter who you are or what you believe there is a 100% chance that you will not agree with something I say, at one point or another. I am ready to accept this fact. You should be too.
I have lots of opinions on lots of different subjects and some of those will likely change over the course of this project so if I say something that irritates you a LOT, please take note of the fact that if you make good points without being a jerk I will take them into consideration. As a general rule, I tend to avoid stating my opinions as if they are in some way relatable to actual fact. For instance I will not say that so-and-so is a bad musician. I will however say that in *my opinion* they are not very talented. If you are disagreeing with something I say, please treat your opinions in the same way.
I don't think I'm very special, I really have not led an extraordinary life. I grew up in a small town, where we didn't even have enough kids in town to fill the high school so we had to get kids from about 10-13 other nearby towns. And by nearby towns I mean that there were people from towns 45 minutes north AND south of the school. As of August 21, 2010 I am 20 years old, I am what many people would refer to as "queer" and my actual name is Jacob. I live in Canada, I love animals, I eat way too much junk food and play way too many video games.
The purpose of this blog is essentially for me to figure out what my life is. At the end of the year I want to have something I can go back to and say, this is how I changed. This is what I've learned. This was my journey, my adventure, this was me trying to find my way. I want to find answers to who I am and where I'm going and I want others to go on this adventure with me. Maybe I will help some other people, I can't explain in words how amazing an experience that would be for me. But for now, this is just an introduction, and to paint a new face on an old cliche - let's get this globe spinning.
This is a big commitment I am taking on, and hopefully there will be some people around who will be able to bug me and keep me on track. Hopefully what I write will also not be complete trash and some people will find it thoughtful, or amusing, or maybe a little helpful or interesting or any number of other things, but I really hope that this will be a positive experience for anyone who decides to be involved.
A couple things you should know if you plan to be reading this blog, no matter who you are or what you believe there is a 100% chance that you will not agree with something I say, at one point or another. I am ready to accept this fact. You should be too.
I have lots of opinions on lots of different subjects and some of those will likely change over the course of this project so if I say something that irritates you a LOT, please take note of the fact that if you make good points without being a jerk I will take them into consideration. As a general rule, I tend to avoid stating my opinions as if they are in some way relatable to actual fact. For instance I will not say that so-and-so is a bad musician. I will however say that in *my opinion* they are not very talented. If you are disagreeing with something I say, please treat your opinions in the same way.
I don't think I'm very special, I really have not led an extraordinary life. I grew up in a small town, where we didn't even have enough kids in town to fill the high school so we had to get kids from about 10-13 other nearby towns. And by nearby towns I mean that there were people from towns 45 minutes north AND south of the school. As of August 21, 2010 I am 20 years old, I am what many people would refer to as "queer" and my actual name is Jacob. I live in Canada, I love animals, I eat way too much junk food and play way too many video games.
The purpose of this blog is essentially for me to figure out what my life is. At the end of the year I want to have something I can go back to and say, this is how I changed. This is what I've learned. This was my journey, my adventure, this was me trying to find my way. I want to find answers to who I am and where I'm going and I want others to go on this adventure with me. Maybe I will help some other people, I can't explain in words how amazing an experience that would be for me. But for now, this is just an introduction, and to paint a new face on an old cliche - let's get this globe spinning.
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