So, it has been almost a year since my return to the realm of singularity. Seeing as how that was pretty much my first real relationship and it didn't even last 6 months you'd figure I'd be kind of used to it by now. And I guess I am, sort of. It's not really a big deal most of the time. Kind of unfortunate some other times.
Then there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night and am so lonely I can't get back to sleep, which is especially unfortunate when I have to be up for work in a few hours. And I have a bad habit of going to bed at the exact moment I need to go to bed to get 8 hours of sleep, if not later. I very rarely leave myself any recovery time.
I just want this feeling to stop. I want the emptiness to go away, I want to be special to someone, I want to have someone to share my life with. It doesn't have to be for the rest of my life. Not yet. I just want there to be something there. I almost wish I could be one of those people who just has a bunch of random sex with strangers and able to get by on that. But I really don't think I could be.
Which is sort of too bad, seeing as how I don't have a heck of a lot to offer from a relationship perspective, really. But it's almost 3am now and I have to get up at 7. So I'm not going to get into it any more than that.
ReplyDeletei wish you the very best of luck, one slight piece of advice:
keep pushing yourself to do more. Even if something seems pointless or no one besides you will ever know, keep trying to get another mini goal accomplished.
that, ive found, attracts people to you.