Good evening solar system. I am updating before midnight today.
I actually was supposed to be in bed roughly 40 minutes ago because I have to be at work for 9 tomorrow. But I have a thing going. A thing called sleep deprivation. It would just be a shame to break my streak now.
A friend and I watched another Pokemon movie today (The Power of One) and for the most part we just pointed out all the things that didn't make sense and how stupid Ash is. And from what I have seen he just never gets any smarter at all. The Pokemon series has been going on for something like 600 episodes and it just seems strange to me that the character hasn't got ANY smarter AT ALL. Not from what I have seen anyway, I admittedly only watch the movies.
We kind of had a bit of an explosion of smoke at work today, because... well I don't really know why. Something to do with the grill, and then the fans weren't turning on and my eyes were hurting and I died like ten times.
Thinking back, it kind of makes for a good metaphor since everything in my life seems so cloudy right now. Don't know what I'm doing about my education, or about my employment, and I need to start making calls for apartments (since this is apparently my sole responsibility for some strange reason, considering how much I hate the phone) and blah blah etc.
I keep thinking of really thoughtful, deep, interesting things to write here but then of course by the time I get around to writing the posts I am just tired and groggy and can't remember any of them. So hopefully someday soon I will have something worthwhile, as opposed to just repeating the same stuff over and over.
I don't know if I'm depressed. What I feel doesn't really feel like depression but... some of the other stuff that's floating around up there makes me think it's a pretty good possibility. I think I am broken. I have failed to grasp the notion of how to interact with others effectively and now it is too late for me to learn. I am destined to be a hermit. An unemployed, uneducated hermit.
It doesn't sound so bad though. I can grow my hair long and have lots of cats.
And that is all.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
September 28 - Trophy Worker
Good morning-ish again, solar system. I should be sleeping right now.
So I got to go home from work two hours early today, meaning I got home at about 20 after 4. But the internet was down. And it remained down until approximately 11, which conveniently is right when my roommate got home. I have so underwhelmed. The internet and I are no longer friends, I am disowning it and burning all the pictures of us together. And then maybe I'll do the same with my life because it's being a right proper jerkass lately.
The worst thing about work right now is that it gives me something to do besides sit at home and be angsty and feel horrible about everything, which is pretty much all that I want to do right now. I also want to change something, make something better but I feel so stuck and so un-talented and unmotivated and urgh. I haven't been eating well lately. Well, I kind of haven't been eating well my whole life but at least when I lived with my parents I ate vegetables on a regular basis.
Having real food is hard when you can't use the oven and when you generally want to avoid the kitchen at all costs (for reasons mentioned in other posts).
Things are just so sdfdgsd. I need to stfu and get my butt in gear and look on the bright side and etc. etc. But it seems like every single time I get my hopes up I get disappointed. It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I'm getting excited about, even the tiniest of things are swept away and in a way that is much more frustrating. I know I am over-dramatizing things but that's just what I do. I am a sensitive person and when it comes to any emotion, when I feel, I feel BIG. When I'm sad I'm REALLY sad, when I'm angry I'm REALLY angry, when I'm bored I'm REALLY bored.
Which speaking of, I was reaaaaaaally bored without the internet. I fell asleep for a while. I wrote a little bit. I played Pokemon. But all I wanted to do was wander aimlessly through a bunch of random webpages. *sigh*
And that is all.
So I got to go home from work two hours early today, meaning I got home at about 20 after 4. But the internet was down. And it remained down until approximately 11, which conveniently is right when my roommate got home. I have so underwhelmed. The internet and I are no longer friends, I am disowning it and burning all the pictures of us together. And then maybe I'll do the same with my life because it's being a right proper jerkass lately.
The worst thing about work right now is that it gives me something to do besides sit at home and be angsty and feel horrible about everything, which is pretty much all that I want to do right now. I also want to change something, make something better but I feel so stuck and so un-talented and unmotivated and urgh. I haven't been eating well lately. Well, I kind of haven't been eating well my whole life but at least when I lived with my parents I ate vegetables on a regular basis.
Having real food is hard when you can't use the oven and when you generally want to avoid the kitchen at all costs (for reasons mentioned in other posts).
Things are just so sdfdgsd. I need to stfu and get my butt in gear and look on the bright side and etc. etc. But it seems like every single time I get my hopes up I get disappointed. It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I'm getting excited about, even the tiniest of things are swept away and in a way that is much more frustrating. I know I am over-dramatizing things but that's just what I do. I am a sensitive person and when it comes to any emotion, when I feel, I feel BIG. When I'm sad I'm REALLY sad, when I'm angry I'm REALLY angry, when I'm bored I'm REALLY bored.
Which speaking of, I was reaaaaaaally bored without the internet. I fell asleep for a while. I wrote a little bit. I played Pokemon. But all I wanted to do was wander aimlessly through a bunch of random webpages. *sigh*
And that is all.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
September 27 - Amnesia
Good morning-ish, solar system. I am posting after midnight again.
I can't help but feel like this is not a good sign. Two days in a row I've posted after midnight because I have forgot. To be honest, both today and yesterday I thought about posting numerous times I just... didn't. I guess it's because I don't really have anything interesting to talk about but hey, do I ever?
I joined the forums at serebii.net today which is kind of a poor decision on my part. I do not do so well with forums, and I know this. I post a bunch for about a week or so and then I just wander off and forget it exists. Either that or the forum dies but I don't think that will be happening with serebii.net, especially since Pokemon Black & White just got released.
I forgot to brush my teeth before bed last night so they were kind of angry at me today. I didn't really have any real meals today, just stuff lying around my room (goldfish crackers, trail mix, a muffin). I will probably eat some unhealthy deep-fried nonsense at work tomorrow but I'll be sure to throw some vegetables in there so I can pretend I've made a good decision. And heck, even if it's deep fried at least I'll be eating something close to a meal.
I really can't wait until I live somewhere I can use the kitchen. We can't use the stove very much here because the fire alarms are ridiculously sensitive and for some reason they are ALL connected - even the ones of the people downstairs. I guess that makes sense for a real fire because if the house is on fire you generally want *everyone* to know about it. But if the fire alarm is going to go off every time you boil water? It's a bit annoying.
Anyway. I'm sleepy and I work in about nine hours and I have to shower in the morning since for some reason I didn't do that today even though I had the entire day off. And I am feeling kind of icky as a result. That reminds me though, I need to buy shampoo... but I have to walk into town soon to get money out of the bank before I spend it all anyway.
Also I realized a while ago that when I finally end up moving out of here I am probably not going to have internet for a couple weeks or so, so I dunno what I'm going to do about my blog in that span of time. Maybe I'll come back here and just sit outside with my computer :P
Going to bed now... since I missed an ample opportunity to sleep in on my day off, which was quite silly of me. I was even dozing off for a while so I really have no idea why I didn't just go with it.
That is all.
I can't help but feel like this is not a good sign. Two days in a row I've posted after midnight because I have forgot. To be honest, both today and yesterday I thought about posting numerous times I just... didn't. I guess it's because I don't really have anything interesting to talk about but hey, do I ever?
I joined the forums at serebii.net today which is kind of a poor decision on my part. I do not do so well with forums, and I know this. I post a bunch for about a week or so and then I just wander off and forget it exists. Either that or the forum dies but I don't think that will be happening with serebii.net, especially since Pokemon Black & White just got released.
I forgot to brush my teeth before bed last night so they were kind of angry at me today. I didn't really have any real meals today, just stuff lying around my room (goldfish crackers, trail mix, a muffin). I will probably eat some unhealthy deep-fried nonsense at work tomorrow but I'll be sure to throw some vegetables in there so I can pretend I've made a good decision. And heck, even if it's deep fried at least I'll be eating something close to a meal.
I really can't wait until I live somewhere I can use the kitchen. We can't use the stove very much here because the fire alarms are ridiculously sensitive and for some reason they are ALL connected - even the ones of the people downstairs. I guess that makes sense for a real fire because if the house is on fire you generally want *everyone* to know about it. But if the fire alarm is going to go off every time you boil water? It's a bit annoying.
Anyway. I'm sleepy and I work in about nine hours and I have to shower in the morning since for some reason I didn't do that today even though I had the entire day off. And I am feeling kind of icky as a result. That reminds me though, I need to buy shampoo... but I have to walk into town soon to get money out of the bank before I spend it all anyway.
Also I realized a while ago that when I finally end up moving out of here I am probably not going to have internet for a couple weeks or so, so I dunno what I'm going to do about my blog in that span of time. Maybe I'll come back here and just sit outside with my computer :P
Going to bed now... since I missed an ample opportunity to sleep in on my day off, which was quite silly of me. I was even dozing off for a while so I really have no idea why I didn't just go with it.
That is all.
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