October 31st - And then I didn't

So I've had another birthday, two months ago. Which means this blog has been going for two years (and I use the term "going" incredibly loosely), and that is kind of insane. My job keeps getting progressively worse and it's looking like I will have to quit and flee to a new city yet again. Also I do not have internet access for like the fifth time in the past year, so that probably contributes somewhat to the infrequent updates. But also I am just depressed and not that interesting.

One of my friends is staying with me now, looking for work/a place to live. He is actually sleeping on the floor next to my super thin and weirdly shaped mattress. Or at least trying to sleep, I'm not sure how well he is managing it with me rudely typing and leaving my laptop open to cast light all over the place, but I just felt an inexplicable urge to post an update. Sorry, friend.

I've decided that I really need to live somewhere a bit gayer. I certainly haven't gained any interest in hooking up with a new guy every weekend or anything of that sort, but it would just b nice to be able to finally find someone I can relate to and all that nifty sparkly stuff. It's silly because, despite my eagerness to end my state of crushing loneliness, I still cannot get over myself and stop being so picky.

Umm, let's see. Something that I haven't actually talked about nine hundred times already. I bought Pokemon Black2 and Pokemon White2, both on the day they were released, and I have beaten most of White2. I got my team members all bred and prepared for my Black2 game and then haven't bothered to train them at all, or even trade them into the right game. But my team for White2 was Emboar, Samurott, Serperior, Excadrill, Unfezant, aaaaand... someone else. Oh yes, Galvantula. It was kind of a challenging setup to have at some points, but for the most part it worked out well. I managed to beat the Elite 4 on the second try (I never beat them on the first because I get impatient at the end and don't train my team properly).

Oh I've also bought a bunch of new music lately.

Foster the People - Torches (album) - quite satisfactory.
Katy Perry - Teenage Dream, The Complete Collection - quite bad, except for Peacock.
Ke$ha - I Am the Dance Commander + I Command You to Dance (Remix album) - alright, most of the remixes are boring
Ke$ha - Die Young (single) - 300x better than the remix album
Dragonette - Body Parts - Definitely my favourite of the recent purchases
Carly Rae Jepsen - Kiss - Fairly decent, even the song featuring Justin Bieber, surprisingly
Owl City - The Midsummer Station - I actually don't know how I feel about this one, I still haven't managed to give it a proper listen. But it seems alright so far.

And I guess that's it. I haven't actually bought it, but Electra Heart by Marina + The Diamonds is also extremely good.

I deleted my main Facebook account as well, and now I just use my little alter-ego one because I was sick of interacting with tons of people, many of which I barely know in the first place, as a false person.

I`ve read a couple books, and I actually started a book review blog that never made it very far. Partly because of the frequently disappearing internet connection, but also part because I`ve been getting next to no time off of work for the past couple months which kind of puts a damper on the process. I have many many books I wish to read in the near future, however.

I am tired and my body hurts and my mind is getting into that wonky/flimsy sort of state, so I'm going to go to bed.

August 07th - Holy Cracker Crap

So it's only been, what? Four months since I updated this? Five? Probably not more than six. Uhhh... maybe more than six.

Shit. My bad. So, life. I've been having some of that. One of my best friends moved to Vancouver, and I am still in Ontario. And if anyone is reading this who is not so familiar with Canadian geography, that is half way across the country. So that's distressing. But he's been socializing like a champ so I'm sure he'll be fine.

I have not been socializing like a champ, really. I've had some interesting experiences. I went on a road trip with two girls from work a couple months ago, had an absolute blast. Seriously one of the best days of my entire life. We drove about four hours south to the "big city" (but not Toronto, we didn't have that kind of time on our hands) and went to an all you can eat restaurant and had an awesome time. My friend, who hadn't moved yet at that point, joined us, as well as another girl who worked with us before moving back home for the summer.

My grandmother has been in the hospital since January, which I did mention when I updated around that time. She hasn't been released yet, she's been having lots of problems. Originally she was in to have a cancerous tumor removed, but after the operation her stomach split open and it has been an incredibly long and painful eight months for her. They are hoping to be able to send her home soon and I am so so excited.

In my extremely few posts so far this year I have no doubt mentioned that work was not going so great for me. It actually did start going really well for a while there, I have made some good friends. But now we have new owners and everything is kind of going down the crapper.

I am, however, still single. That hasn't changed. At present I'm not that bugged about it, I think I've finally learned to just accept that it's gonna be like this for the majority of my life. Whatever. I like my alone time anyway.

I really want to quit my job and move somewhere new. I want to do something that doesn't drive me insane, and live as my big queer self. But I can get into that more later. Right now I'm just meaning to kind of sum things up. I am just feeling very compressed lately. I feel like I am stuck in this double life and stuck in this crappy job and stuck in this crappy town. I want to take control of my life, but surprise! You pretty much can't do jack squat without a big pile of money to back you up. Which I haven't really got. I have been trying to save up ever since I started working but things just keep breaking down and I just keep screwing myself over.

I wonder why I do that. Perhaps I'm just afraid of freedom.

February 11 - Much For Regret

I haven't got much for regret
And I haven't got much for pride
But I've got a thirst for a kingdom
That a queen could hide behind

I've known a little bit of romance
I've known a little bit of lust
And I've got a thirst for a kingdom
That my heart could hide behind

Tell me what you see in the sunlight
Tell me what you see in the shadows
Tell me what you see in the window
That you've sealed against the stars

Tell me what you see when you're dreaming
Tell me what you see when you're scared
Tell me what you wish they would say to you
When you wanna be someone else

I've known a pretty simple life
I've known some pretty simple people
And I've fallen into some mazes, and I
Still don't know how I got out

I haven't got much excitement
But I've got a hell of a lot of indifference
I've got a lot of amazing ideas
But I've got too much time to care

Tell me what you see in the empty room
Tell me what you see in the corner
Tell me what's hiding under the bed
Waiting to tear apart your heart

Tell me what you see when you're dreaming
Tell me what you see when you're scared
Tell me what you wish they would say to you
When you wanna be someone else

Tell me that it all makes no difference
But I'm gonna keep breathing in
Tell me it doesn't make sense in the end
But I wasn't curious anyway...

Tell me what you see in the sunlight
Tell me what you see in the shadows
Tell me what's hiding under the surface
Waiting to tear apart your heart

Tell me what you see when you're dreaming
Tell me what you see when you're scared
Tell me what you wish they would say to you
When you wanna be someone else